Wednesday, July 22, 2009

A Port In A Storm, Part III

More reasons why I'm different from and/or it's better to be me than to be a character in Pine Valley (and, yes, there IS more to come):
  • If a sign in a hospital tells me not to use my cellphone near the cardiac wing, I don't use my cellphone near the cardiac wing.
  • I've never put on a hospital gown that had a seam up the back.
  • If I'm ever in a coma or have a broken back or something like that, I would hope they wouldn't prop me up into a sitting position all the time.
  • On the rare occasions I've been in the hospital, no one ever professionally styled my hair, applied flawless makeup, painted my nails, or bent down to close to me to tell me they could kill me at any moment or picked up a pillow to demonstrate the point. At least not while I was awake.
  • If a doctor treating me happened to be a sworn enemy or just a world-class asshole, who has stalked me and should probably be in jail, or just someone I've had sex with, I would request another doctor.
  • If I were to have a secret that was so devastating that it would ruin lives (particularly my OWN life), I wouldn't be yapping about it with other people at every possible opportunity, especially in public places.
  • I would probably not live on a yacht for a variety of reasons; mostly, I wouldn't want to have to deal with the septic tank.
  • I don't hang out alone at city parks in the middle of the night to brood about things or just get some fresh air.
  • I don't have catfights in the ladies room with women old enough to be my mother. I don't have catfights, period.
  • I've never buried someone alive near a park bench in order to get them to cooperate with me.
  • I don't bring home boxes of clothes when I go shopping unless the clothes were pre-packaged in boxes to begin with.
  • In my experience, not EVERY single sexual experience is AMAZING! Sometimes it's just nice or ... okay.
  • When I give someone a gift-wrapped present, they usually have to UNwrap it, not just remove the top of the box, which has been separately gift-wrapped.
  • Speaking of being separately wrapped, I've never gotten out of bed and wrapped a blanket or sheet around me to walk across a room -- a ROBE, maybe, but not a sheet or blanket.
  • I'm pretty sure I haven't had any hallucinations.
Robin "unless THIS is a hallucination" Coutellier

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