BC - Thu, 8/11/11

Jack gets Jane all the way back to PV and THEN says she might not need to serve time and she MIGHT get off on an insanity plea? WTH would she come back to the US if she thought she might have to go to jail or Oakhaven? This makes NO sense.  And she would NOT get off on an insanity plea. Talk about having all your faculties and knowing right from wrong! She set an exceptionally elaborate plan in motion, planned it for possibly YEARS and went through with it, hiding Erica the entire time and going back to check on her, keeping her from escaping, enlisting the services of someone else to guard her, etc. (do you think she reported Ben as an employee and took taxes out of his wages like any good employer?)  Crafty, yes. Crazy, NO.

What's with Jane's dowdy ensemble? Her hair's in a sloppy low ponytail, she's wearing big glasses, a beige suit, ear studs (remember she was wondering if her earrings were dangling ENOUGH?) and acting very un-Jane-like. Is she wearing orthopedic oxfords, too? She wanted to BE Erica Kane. Being herself instead does not mean being the OPPOSITE of Erica Kane.

Jack tells Jane that he's grateful that she's taking the rap for Erica stabbing David and says he'll be there for her in court. Presumably he means he'll be her lawyer. Uh, conflict of interest aside, wouldn't he be suborning perjury if he knowingly allows his client to lie in court, or is that only if they actually testify on a witness stand, as opposed to entering a plea? Even if she says she's guilty, she has to allocute her crime (describe what she did, in detail).

That is one God-awful getup Madison is wearing. BUTT-UGLY! I'm amazed that neither Scott nor JAR busted out laughing at the sight of her. I know *I* would have trouble keeping a straight face. Madison, sweetie, there's a difference between being fierce and bold and making a statement versus DESPERATELY trying to APPEAR to be fierce and bold and making a statement.

Uh, in what way did Tad "prepare" JAR to meet his zombie-mother again? He basically threatened him to come over sober or he would regret it for the rest of his life. That's not exactly fair. Without knowing the REASON he would regret it, why SHOULD he show up, drunk or not? That was pretty lame.

Robin "given her dead/undead/dead history, I wouldn't believe that was Dixie, either" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 7/20/11

Tad said Dixie's father, Seabone Hunckle, just passed away. I could have Ihe died a long time ago.

Why would Seabone Hunckle have Dixie's childhood journal? He didn't live with Dixie, her mother and Will. He left them and started another family (hence Dell, (not to mention Di with yet another woman) -- Seabone got around. Dixie didn't spend her childhood with Seabone, so they are rewriting history unless Dixie entrusted her diary to him as an adult, which seems highly unlikely.

Isn't it a little late in the lifetime of the show for them to develop someone just BECOMING dependent upon alcohol and/or drugs (I'm talking about Asher). And what the hell IS Asher's real name, anyway? Are we ever going to find THAT out? Asher Pike sounds like a fish with a nasty cigarette habit.

Haven't we see Maria wear that dress before? Maybe she borrowed one of Krystal's dresses, given their shared affinity for really big implants. Maybe it's the only thing that would fit her.

Does anyone else cringe whenever JAR refers to eBabe as a lesbian? I don't mean that being a lesbian is cringeworthy, just that I'm not even remotely convinced yet that eBabe IS a lesbian. She seems to have fallen in love with Bianca, but that doesn't make her a lesbian. It's not like she's even had sex with her yet. She's barely kissed her, and those kisses were mega-awkward. I'm not a lesbian, but I bet I could put WAAAY more enthusiasm and realism into a woman-to-woman kiss than eBabe did. I mean, it's only kissing so far; it's another pair of lips. If you're going to do it, DO it. There just doesn't seem to be any underlying drive behind it, despite eBabe suddenly saying that she's been fighting it all along. No. She hasn't because there was nothing there to fight as far as libido goes. Nothing. Zilch. We've all put way more feeling into simply discussing the matter than eBabe has put into their entire relationship pre- and post-revelation.

Frankie called Caleb to discuss Asher's probable need for addiction counseling, despite Asher's resistance to any help. WTF? Unless Asher signed something saying it was okay for Frankie to talk to Caleb about his Asher's medical issues (and he may very well HAVE, considering Caleb has been there for him), Frankie has no right to call Caleb and tell him that Asher appears to be addicted to pain pills.

How many times now has Tad "made peace with Dixie's death"? She's like a life/death/life yo-yo or whack-a-mole.

Is David Canary coming back? I know there were rumors that he was ill and that's why he left the show. I ask because the photo they showed of him looks like it could be more recent. He looks older and softer in it than he did before.

So JAR's going to go out driving while drunk. Who's he going to hit? Maybe Dixie. He already accidentally shot her the LAST time she returned from the dead (although, to be fair, she was only PRETENDING to be dead that time). It would be a PV/Cooney tradition for him to now hit her with his car. Then again, he could hit Amanda. Again. Oooh, what if he hits AJ?

Robin "please, Please, PLEASE hit Ryan!" Coutellier

BC - Fri, 7/15/11

Whoa, did you get a look at those shiny high heels Maya wears to clean the house? Shades of June Cleaver!

Wow, little Lucy stopped crying quite abruptly from the time Jesse went to the door and the time he opened it. I know it's very hard for actors to work with unpredictable babies, but it was still kind of funny how quickly it happened :-)

While I don't buy JAR being broken-hearted and driven to drink by losing eBabe, I suppose I DO buy him being at least driven to drink by losing her to a WOMAN. As he said, he didn't see THAT coming!

Is it just me or has this been a REALLY long day in Pine Valley? It started when Kathy woke up Tad and eBabe woke up JAR. Amanda, dressed for clubbing and freshly coiffed, went to Fusion to drink (apparently the bar is wide open for the breakfast crowd), had a heart-to-heart with Opal, then went to the park. Jake found her at the park and she told him she had an STD and, BTW, she contracted it only 3 weeks ago. He forgave her and she ran off again, this time to have a drink at the bar at Krystal's where she runs into JAR and tells him that she told Jake about the sex and the STD. It's still bright and sunny outside.

Jake and Tad had a heart-to-heart about Amanda cheating on him, then Jake went home to tell Amanda he still wants to make their marriage work. In the meantime, Kendall and Griff have a date for dinner(?), even though it's bright and sunny out. Griff bails on her when she pries. They meet later in the park and then at her house, I think, or maybe the hospital, and they go to the park again. It's still bright and sunny outside.

After needling (so to speak) several people at work, David twirls his invisible mustache and goes to his hotel room to get ready for an important meeting with hospital board members, but Jane shows up at his door, with her eyes practically rolling up into the back of her head due to her NON-Libidozone-inspired uncontrollable lust for him. After trying to get rid of her, David relents and gives her a right good shagging. Ryan and Greenlee, in the meantime, compare notes and information about Project Orpheus and wonder about Erica's involvement with David. Greenlee goes to the Yacht Club and pulls the fire alarm so that David and "Erica" will run out of the room in a state of not quite dressed. It's still bright and sunny outside.

EBabe gets mad at JAR for not really thinking of all those great special things to do for her and give to her because it was really all Bianca's ideas. Scott comforts her. JAR fusses and fumes about Scott taking eBabe away from him.  He almost drinks some scotch, but AJ inspires him with his adorableness, so JAR pours the scotch into  a poor, innocent plant next to the front door (no one will ever notice that the front door area REEKS of alcohol). It's still bright and sunny outside.

JAR goes to the hospital to possibly go to an AA meeting. While there, he and Tad have a heart-to-heart, then JAR takes off, presumably to a meeting. EBabe meets Bianca either on the Chandler grounds or the park (it's unlcear) and tells her that she loves her, too; she kisses Bianca. Bianca says it won't work because eBabe is straight, not gay. It's still bright and sunny outside.

Heartbroken at Bianca's rejection, eBabe goes back to the mansion, gets consoled by Scott some more (who has figured out that Bianca told eBabe that she had a thing for her), and then tells JAR (who has returned home after speaking with Amanda at Krystal's) that she's in love with Bianca, who walks in on them, despite knowing darned well that they were going to have a very private conversation (so much for being a saint). It's still bright and sunny outside.

In the meantime, Opal has a heart-to-heart with Jack, feeding him all sorts of goodies from the over-laden coffee table in the Martin living room (because the builders forgot to make a kitchen or dining room when they built the house), Kendall calls "Erica" over to her house for an emergency having to do with the Miranda Center, and when Jane shows up, it turns out to be an intervention. David and Angie meet and agree that his treatment is working. It's still bright and sunny outside.

JAR pours himself yet another glass of scotch (he has an endless supply of scotch bottles at the house). This time he actually drinks it. The plant outside the front door is quite relieved, since it's still dizzy and slightly pukey from the first bottle he opened. Tad comes over and they have yet another heart-to-heart. Maya helps hide the scotch at JAR's behest, and then her abusive boyfriend comes in (he's working on rebuilding the gatehouse with Scott) and menaces her. JAR drinks some more and has a meltdown in front of Tad, telling him that his wife is a lesbian (no she's not). It's still bright and sunny outside.

Maya abandons her post, goes to the hospital, and tells Frankie she's ready for that babysitting job NOW. She goes over to the Hubbard's place where Jesse is having trouble coping with the fussy baby since the previous babysitter had abruptly quit. Jesse had previously had a heart-to-heart with Brot over Lucy's humble beginnings and how she ended up being his daughter. Angie and Frankie show up and Lucy settles right down in Maya's arms ('cause Maya is actually her birth mother, of course, unbeknownst to any of them). It's still bright and sunny outside.

Jane is dismissive of everyone at the intervention. Then David shows up and she tells them all that she loves him and they've been having sex. Jack, Opal and Greenlee storm out. Kendall and Bianca are hurt and horrified. Then David asks "Erica" to marry him. Jane has changed her clothes, but I don't think anyone else has. I'm pretty sure it's still bright and sunny outside.

Meanwhile, the real Erica is pouring her heart out in self-reflection, telling Ben about being raped at 14 and giving birth to Kendall. She remembers how badly she treated Mona and deeply regrets it, realizing how much her mother truly loved her and only wanted what was best for her (as opposed to THE BEST). She realizes that the revolving door of men in her life was really about her quest to find a kind and protective father figure, not one who allows her to be raped by a child-molester. And then things started bumping against the walls outside of Erica's dungeon and Ben went to investigate, all the while assuring her that it was nothing.  Presumably it's still bright and sunny outside.

Robin "and the day's not over yet" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 7/13/11

AMC has gone down this maybe-I'm-gay-and-maybe-I'm-not-gay road before. Way back in the 1970s Devon McFadden was so shattered by the betrayal of the men in her life (and the mess she made of her own life in the process) that she turned to her good friend, Lynn, played by Donna Pescow. Lynn was a lesbian and Devon decided she should probably be one, too, since she liked Lynn so much and men were all pigs. She tried to kiss Lynn. Lynn let her know that it didn't work like that. You don't just "decide" to become gay because it makes more sense to you when things go wrong in a hetero relationship. I hope that in the show's finale Bianca meets eyes with someone wonderful and they smile brilliantly at each other, knowing in their hearts that they've just met "the one". Is that so much to ask? Maybe Lena will come back to whisk her away.

I don't buy that JAR is brokenhearted over eBabe and driven to drink by said heartbreak and disappointment; frustrated, yeah, but he NEVER gives in that easily, so why start drinking over it now? He doesn't even know yet that eBabe has fallen in love with Bianca, he just thinks Scott is getting in the way.

Wow, Tad really HAS turned into Joe when it comes to the fatherly advice role.

Robin "he even invokes Joe's holy name in homage" Coutellier

BC - Mon, 1/3/11

NOTE: I had previously posted this as Tuesday's episode, but it's really Monday's. I'll probably keep accidentally doing that for a while. At the moment I'm only recording AMC at 7am the NEXT day, rather than recording it from the local station at noon, so the date on the recording can throw me off if I'm not paying attention.

Erica writes her letter to Mona, telling her about the last year. After telling her very little about Bianca and Kendall, she says: "But you already know about the girls, don't you? You want to know about me." If Mona already knows about the girls, why would she not already know about Erica and what she's feeling and thinking.

I was disappointed that they did not show a Mona flashback. Just one little snippet of her saying "Oh, ERica", let alone an entire scene, would have been really great for us long-term fans.

I thought for sure that Erica's meltdown with Kendall was a dream/fantasy, especially when Erica took a swig of Kendall's champagne, but apparently it was not. Way to go in protecting Kendall from any more stress. OTOH, I believe Erica is very stressed and, for the most part, covering it up and containing it very well, but it is out-of-character for her to have a meltdown like that in front of Kendall when she's already doing so much to protect her. Mother Bear needs a little yellow pill, but she can't have one. Erica has many, MANY meltdown moments, but they are usually just Erica being a selfish and/or neurotic brat. This time she was NOT being petulant, though, just worn down, so it was actually quite refreshing to see her act somewhat like a normal person who temporarily cracks and then pulls herself back together.

Once Kendall is settled in the hospital with pneumonia, Erica says she needs to call Bianca and Jack. Good idea. Here's another one: Call Alice Hart, you know, the woman who loved and RAISED Kendall from birth? No one ever tells Alice anything. I don't think Alice even knows that Kendall had a heart transpant, let alone that she was sentenced to prison, was on the run, had a baby that was born prematurely and almost died several times, or that her husband just died. Does Alice even know that Kendall has kids or was married in the first place?

Robin "does Alice know that Ian's growth is not only stunted, but in reverse?" Coutellier

BC - Fri, 9/10/10

Maybe it was just the camera angle, but before they whipped the sheet of of David's body, I had to wonder if they were hiding Fatty Arbuckle under it. Oh, and when the doctor DID take the sheet off, VI moved his head slightly.

Why is it that all the women in Pine Valley hallucinate, especially after someone dies? On rare occasions, men hallucinate, but mostly it's women. As an oft-quoted saying goes: "Them bitches is CRAZY."

If JAR is trying to take over his company, why is Scott drinking at Krystal's instead of going to work and trying to straighten things out, network, wheel and deal, etc. Does his badge not work anymore?

I notice there are STILL decanters in the Chandler living room, despite JAR being an alcoholic and having children running around.

Why was Kendall surprised that someone paid her bail and she's free to go? Wouldn't she have had to go to court to have her bail set in the first place? She apparently has off-camera "high priced lawyers" who arranged bail, so she should have known that she would have been out pretty quickly. You'd think she would know the drill by NOW.

Robin "do people ever get released from the PV jail early due to overcrowding?" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 10/1/09

I still don't get it. How is having people know you have cancer better having people think you are, once again, on a months-long alcoholic binge? Which looks worse as far as losing custody of your child?

Regarding David, Amanda tells Jake that she's not an idiot. He tells her that Krystal wasn't an idiot, and look what happened to HER. Uh, Krystal WAS/IS an idiot.

Robin "she's fallen into the 'too stupid to live' category on MANY occasions" Coutellier

BC - Fri, 7/24/09

David tells Colby he's going to stick around because the baby seems like he has a low-grade fever. In case the baby gets worse, David wants to make sure he's there to get him to the hospital. He says this as he sloshes quite a bit of wine into a glass. Yeah, that's what *I* want for my baby -- a drunken doctor who refuses to leave when he's not needed or wanted. Colby isn't experienced enough to know how to handle someone who rolls right over her like that, though. BTW, I doubt the baby is sick -- David is just using that as a ruse to be there and say there.

Oops, looks like Adam's security team has done their job for the rest of the summer. They escorted Ryan earlier, but Kendall just walks on up and presses herself up against the windows. The siren, at least, DOES go off when she opens the UNLOCKED patio door. Oh, hey, there's Security NOW; now that someone has actually walked into the house and could have easily murdered at least a couple of people in the meantime.

I LOVED how Annie says that Kendall got away and that the new "crack security team" is turning into a big fat failure. BWAHAHAHAAA! What did she mean "turning INTO"? Still it is SOOO refreshing to see that: a) Adam actually has a working alarm after all this time, and b) twice in one show they've ridiculed how bad the crack security team is. I think CRACK is a required substance for any security personnel within Pine Valley.

Does Kendall REALLY think that she shot Stuart, or is she protecting EMMA, who probably shot Stuart, by taking the fall for her?

Robin "at least she didn't have grief sex over it ... this week" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 6/18/09

Ryan says he came to the Slater house because Emma wanted to see Spike and Ian. At NIGHT? Here's the thing, Ryan: She's the child and YOU are the adult. You ARE allowed to say NO sometimes and you can justify it with a "because I SAID so". He doesn't even bother to ask Kendall and/or Zach if it's okay to come over with Emma. Self-entitled much?

David sure sobered up FAST! All the people in PV go from slobbering drunk to completely sober within mere MINUTES.

Okay, that's it! I'm tired of being coy about it. Greenlee, Greenlee, GREENLEE!!! Geeze foreshadow much?

Robin "do Emma, Spike or Ian ever throw screaming tantrums?" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 3/18/09

Ho hum. Another day, another bout of grief sex. Alicia Minshew probably said "Oh, for God's sake, not AGAIN!" when she saw the script. Did Kendall even call the nanny and let her know she wouldn't be home all night? Where was Emma? How many woman is Emma going to wake up to finding in Daddy's bed, at the breakfast table, or worse, in front of the fireplace? Hmmm, they actually DID go to bed instead of on the floor in front of the fireplace. Maybe that was a concession to Kendall's recent coma and surgery (not to mention her bony body).

Uh, since when is a person who wants custody allowed to be in the other person's house when a search warrant it being carried out? It's not like the child is THERE at the moment, so David should NOT have been included in ANY way. If nothing else he could have PLANTED something to be found by the police. Then Jesse and his crew go off to do the search and leave JAR and David together in the foyer. Oh yeah, THAT'S a good idea. TOTALLY bogus! AFAIC, if anything "bad" were to happen in that foyer while those two are there, the PVPD could be sued for bringing David into the house and leaving him unescorted.

I thought Amanda and Jake were going to make very, VERY sure that there would be NO WAY anyone would find out her secret THIS time -- so why are they yakking about it in a house that is brimming over with people?

Did Aidan just tell Zach "I have an update on Wyan"? Who is he now, Elmer Fudd?

How can JAR not answering the phone be obstruction? I mean, if the law REALLY wants to know if Adam was the one calling, they have to go through LEGAL channels and get a court order to get the phone tapped. Jesse ordering him to answer it or he'll be charged with obstruction was LAUGHABLE.

Why is "Greenlee's body" at PVH? Wasn't she found up in the water near Connecticut? Kendall says the body was in the river. She wasn't listening, was she?

Kendall was in the hospital corridor with Ryan, Zach and Aidan. She's had sex with all three of them, and grief sex, while still married to Zach, with the other two. This has such an ICK FACTOR written all over it! Okay, so Ryan missed the gathering by seconds, but still ...

Even after EVERYTHING that has happened, there are STILL decanters in the Chandler living room. WTF??? If they REALLY want to retain custody of Little Adam (not to mention help keep JAR sober), you'd think the FIRST thing they would do is get rid of the booze -- the FIRST thing!

Oh look, there's David lurking around and planting something NOW. Well, he's probably spiking the contents of the decanters, but that's STILL planting something.

Robin "RIP Natasha Richardson" Coutellier

BC - Tue-Wed, 3/10-11/09

Why would JAR check into PVH? To detox? He's not acutely drunk or even a LITTLE drunk at the moment, so why take up a hospital bed? He should be at a rehab facility, not PVH. Oh, he's there to have his blood checked to prove there is no alcohol in his system and to talk to a shrink. AGAIN, *WHY* is he taking up a perfectly good BED to do that?

The "grown-ups" in PV sure can be babies when it comes to medical care! They're always lashing out at their doctors. If I were a doctor and they weren't in dire need of immediate care, I'd tell them to get another doctor. Who needs THAT kind of shit from ADULTS?

WEDNESDAY'S SHOW:

Tad he said that he NEVER kept Krystal from seeing Jenny. BULLSHIT! He ABSOLUTELY kept her from seeing Jenny! He changed his mind after a while, but he REFUSED to let her see her.

I don't blame Krystal for whacking Tad with a vase or whatever it was she hit him upside the head with! Who the FUCK does he think he his going all caveman on her and trying to forcibly drag her out of there? That's unquestionably a self-defense move on HER part!

Robin "he was basically KIDNAPPING her!" Coutellier

BC - Fri, 3/6/09

Ryan hesitated to take David's hand when David offered his condolences and it occurred to me that those two have a much longer history than many on the show. David blackmailed Gillian into having sex with him so that she could get money to save Ryan from something or other (loan sharks? Bail? Fleeing the law? I don't really remember it exactly). He then gleefully told Ryan about it. Sound familiar? If I were Ryan, I probably wouldn't have accepted his hand at ALL.

Why weren't Petey or Colby at the memorial? Palmer should have been there, too (he's the one who pretty much forced Kendall and Greenlee to start Fusion together, agreeing to lease them the building for $1/year, but only if they became partners (and Kendall became Petey's sometime-nanny). I'll cut Palmer some slack, though, since it would be physically hard on James Mitchell (and probably Palmer, too) to be there. She was also [cough] a mover and shaker in the cosmetics world -- shouldn't there have been reps from all the big cosmetics/fashion companies there? Zarf should have been there, too, singing a song for her. Speaking of Zarf, I've been playing a word connect (Scrabble-like) game a lot lately -- did you know that "Zarf" is an actual word? (Zarf n. A chalicelike holder for a hot coffee cup, typically made of ornamented metal, used in the Middle East.)

Why are the full decanters back at the bar in the Chandler living room? Unless they are drinking brown water, I'd say it's some kind of liquor. I thought that they disappeared when Carmen was there, both for Adam's sake and JAR's (the thought of Little Adam getting into them was apparently never a concern). Colby was having a problem for a while, too. These people NEVER learn!

While I can believe that a curious Little Adam took a sip or even a gulp of the scotch, I don't believe for a SECOND that he would voluntarily drink the entire glass (and it was a BIG glass), even if he DID want to be like his Daddy -- it doesn't exactly taste like Kool-Aid! When I was 23 I had a boyfriend who drank scotch. He really seemed to like it, so one day I asked for a sip to see what it was like, having never tasted it -- I rarely drank at all and when I did, it was usually wine. I think I actually spat it out! It was the most VILE thing I have EVER tasted!!! I thought it tasted exactly like POISON (having never imbibed liquid poison (that I know of), it was a figure of speech, but I was pretty sure that's what a can of Raid WOULD taste like)! If I had that reaction to the taste of it at the age of 23, what would a 4-yr-old's reaction to it be?

When I was about 6 we had all gone out to visit the fire station (my father was a volunteer fireman) after dinner, but the remainder of dinner was still on the table. When we got home, I spied a little bit of brown liquid in a wineglass at the head of the table where my father (who, as it turned out, was an alcoholic) had been sitting. I thought it was Coca-Cola, and was THRILLED that there was some left in the glass. I made a beeline to the table and quickly drank it, wanting to beat my brother and sister to the sweet treat (hi Sis!). I don't know WHAT it was, but I remember it tasting NOTHING like Coke and I was coughing and choking on it and felt really hot. There wasn't very much of it and I think I swallowed most of it before the taste even registered. I NEVER again blindly gulped down any unknown brown liquid after THAT experience, which is still so vivid in my mind 47 years later
. Apparently it's an acquired taste -- fortunately it's never been a taste that I'VE acquired.

Was anyone else bothered by the fact that the doctor, not having been able to budge Zach out of Reese's room, even though he was CLEARLY not wanted there, then LEFT Reese alone in the room with him? He could have just YELLED for help, but instead he left a BLIND woman alone with an ill-tempered, obstinate and very possible DANGEROUS stranger.

If Reese's eyes hurt so much, she might consider NOT crying and literally rubbing salt into the wounds and otherwise creating more trauma to the eyes, even if it DOES have a cleansing and lubricating effect. Rolling over toward her belly and keeping her head down strikes me as not such a great idea under the circumstances, either.

Robin "not that I BLAME her for crying" Coutellier