Saturday, July 18, 2009

Pine Valley - A Port In A Storm

I AM still here! I've had an eventful week, but hope to catch up on AMC this weekend.

Over the years I've had good times and bad times and through it all I've had All My Children. No matter how stressed I might be in my life, and no matter how many questionable or just plain BAD decisions I've made, at least I'm not as stupid, impractical, rude, vain, crazy, and ridiculous as the denizens of Pine Valley. I can always escape to Pine Valley for 39 minutes and feel superior to it's fictional inhabitants.

For instance:
  • If someone tried to murder me, steal my husband, set my house on fire, rape me, push me off a rooftop, poison me, kidnap my baby, steal my money, key my car, get me fired, stalk me, fake being dead to see how I would react, get me hooked on alcohol or drugs, cheat on me, kidnap me, blow up my car, hold me at gunpoint, steal my family heirlooms, actually shoot me, destroy my reputation, put sugar in my gas tank, hurt my child in any way, break into my house, sell my baby, marry someone else while still married to me, tie me to a chair so they can talk to me, set me up for a murder rap, put a bag of flaming poop on my doorstep, plant bugs and other surveillance equipment around my house, blow up my house, try to gaslight me and then have me put in an insane asylum, taunt me at the lowest point in life, raise my baby as their own, and let me think mine was dead, teargas me, destroy my marriage, pull in front of me on the freeway and then slam their brakes on, try to steal my company, fight me for sole custody of my child or swap DNA tests, or just let the air out of my tires, I probably wouldn't still be friends with them, even after a couple of years have gone by,and I certainly wouldn't MARRY them ... AGAIN. Call me unforgiving, but I've been known to hold a grudge on occasion.
  • I'm pretty sure I don't have any children that I don't already know about.
  • I did NOT still carry my son around after he was 3+ years old unless he NEEDED to be temporarily picked up.
  • I don't have any judges in my pocket, and the policemen in my town are generally pretty competent and professional from what I've observed.
  • I don't set fires or set off overhead sprinklers and/or fire alarms as diversions. My diversionary tactics mostly consist of encouraging a small child to sing his or her ABC's or to look at something else to distract them or get them to stop crying.
  • I don't try to make myself look EXACTLY like someone else and then try to take over their life after throwing that person down a well. Especially if that person is much taller or shorter than me.
  • If I were running a multi-national conglomerate, I would probably show up at work occasionally, and I wouldn't hold meetings, give press conferences, set up glamorous photo shoots, launch products or give parties all in the same shabby common office area.
  • I've never held a gun on anyone.
  • If I ever have a grandchild, I WILL be called Grandma.
  • I wouldn't make a 19-year-old who didn't even graduate from high school a CEO or President in one of my corporations.
  • I've never poisoned anyone's rice pudding.
  • I sure as hell wouldn't be blindly yanking my door open to every single knock or ring, ESPECIALLY after my family members or I have been kidnapped, robbed and/or assaulted more often than then the ice cream truck goes by.
There's lots more, but I'll save that for another day.

Robin "storm-tossed" Coutellier

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