Tuesday, May 19, 2009

BC - Mon, 5/18/09

Okay, so Adam DIDN'T have a heart attack or stroke. THAT theory was shot down, so to speak. Jesse radios that he's got the body in the living room and it's shot in the back. Uh, shouldn't he at least check for a PULSE before he refers to it as "the body"?

Why are all the women wearing pointy, very high-heeled shoes to murder someone? Not only are they uncomfortable, but they make a lot of noise. At least they weren't slingbacks that went THWAP, THWAP, THWAP with every step. And why was Kendall wearing pointy heels to sit a vigil at her baby's hospital crib? You'd think she'd want to at least wear comfortable shoes for THAT.

Jesse sure is quick on the draw! He starts shooting AS he warns someone on the terrace not to move. Great cop my ASS! Then he points the gun toward the ceiling (so as not to hurt anyone accidentally). Turns out that the man on the terrace is Tad whom Jesse, with THREE shots, managed to shoot in the head. OOPSIE!

Did Jesse even BOTHER to send someone upstairs to protect the children? You know, the ones that are in the range of fire since he's now pointing the gun at the ceiling? Apparently NOT because they children are alone up there. Ryan came and dragged Kendall away. Does he even KNOW that Emma is still there? Did he set her down in the hallway and then completely forget her very EXISTENCE?

A cop tries ineffectively to keep Krystal and Opal from running out to see who else got shot. Why didn't he just shoot THEM, too? THAT would have stopped them, although saline from Krystal's implants might have made somewhat of an exploding mess. There'd probably be saline goo dripping off the ceiling.

JAR is told by Scott that Adam is dead. After a few moments of letting it sink in, JAR remembers Junior Junior and races upstairs shouting his name. Well it's about F**KING TIME someone remembered the children! Meanwhile, Aidan has made his way upstairs, not to take care of the kids, but to grill Junior Junior on Emma's whereabouts so that he can find Annie.

Colby rushes into the nursery and blurts out to JAR that she can't find Emma anywhere. Even with all that shooting going on and sirens wailing, etc., Colby was completely oblivious to it. Maybe SHE shot Adam. Then JAR tells her that someone put a bullet into their father. Slightly concerned, she asks if Adam is okay, as if he had just twisted his ankle or something. I'm not sure she understands the concept of *PUT - A - BULLET - INTO - OUR - FATHER*. DAMN she's dense!

David has obviously been having an affair with The Bride Of Chucky. So much for his professed GREAT LOVE for Krystal. Not that he loves Gayle, either. Like Krystal, she's TOTALLY besotted with him and can't seem to comprehend how BLATANTLY he is manipulating her.

Ryan tells Kendall that he hasn't been able to get hold of Colby to find out how Emma's doing. He says it very calmly like it's no big deal, as if Colby took her out for a walk in the moonlight and they just aren't back yet. Never mind that a) he has credible evidence that Annie is back, b) Annie used to LIVE at the Chandler estate and knows her way around, including the tunnels, c) he KNOWS Adam was just SHOT and is probably dead. Does he even CARE that his own little daughter could wander downstairs and FIND the dead, bloody body? Apparently not. He also knows the electricity is off, so the children might wander around calling for help because they're scared. And what about Colby when she finds out that her father has been shot? Does Ryan think Colby will be just fine and it won't affect the kids in the slightest that the person taking care of them is suddenly wailing because her father was just murdered right underneath her feet? Not that Colby IS freaking out. Yet. This Colby isn't very good at freaking out. She's also not very good at NOT freaking out, but I digress.

Jesse wants to know what Tad was doing with a gun. That's a valid question, but they sure are jumping to a lot of conclusions, one after the other after the other. Every time they find a new clue they think the NEXT person probably did it and they're willing to shoot to kill based on each new assumption.

At PVH Ryan inadvertently hears from a blabbermouth cop that a child is missing from the Chandler estate and that it's a little girl, taken by her own mother. Did you buy a f**king clue NOW, Moron?

Okay, rule #1 (or at least among the top 3), NEVER put murder suspects TOGETHER, and especially ALONE together when investigating a murder. N-E-V-E-R. All kinds of story-planning and/or "influencing" can go on in the process, not to mention cross-contamination. They HAVE to be separated. For that matter, why did they let Opal go to the hospital? Yes, the Keystone Kops just shot her son in the head, so they kind of owe her one, but JAR's father was shot in the back and DIED, so why does JAR have to stay there when Opal gets to go? She and Krystal were both standing over the body, albeit after the fact. Krystal has to stay and she and Opal were found together.

Natalia walks into the room where all the suspects are. Are CADETS allowed at murder scenes? The crowd of suspects/witnesses are, as I so astutely warned against, hashing everything out with each other, pointing fingers and trying to figure how what happened. Natalia's carrying Junior Junior. At least SOMEONE is with him, because Colby sure as Hell wasn't.

At PVH David tells Jake he'll provide assistance, if necessary, to the neurologist who will be performing brain surgery on Tad and Jake is to stay the hell away. Jake begs to differ, but David overrides him. WTF? Tad's MORTAL ENEMY is going to muck around in his BRAIN? I don't THINK so! Doesn't Tad have someone listed as next-of-kin (like his father, Opal or Jake) who can refuse to let David anywhere near him in the operating room? Let's hope it isn't Krystal, because she always sides with David. The CAT scans show that the bullet is lodged in Tad's frontal lobe. The doctor warns Jake that Tad might be a very different man if he survives.

According to a Wikipedia entry, damage to the frontal lobes can lead to a variety of results:

  • Mental flexibility and spontaneity are impaired, but IQ is not reduced. So he'll be smart enough to realize that he's not being spontaneous or flexible.
  • Talking may increase or decrease dramatically. He's not often quiet -- this could go either way.
  • Perceptions regarding risk taking and rule abiding are impaired. IOW, nothing will change.
  • Socialization can diminish or increase. He's always been pretty sociable. He'll either turn BACK into a party animal or hole up in the basement and watch the Reality Channel day and night.
  • Orbital frontal lobe damage can result in peculiar sexual habits. Oh dear (or maybe I should say "Oh DEER!"
  • Dorsolateral frontal lobe damage reduces sexual interest. Whew! For a while there I was worried about the deer. And the goats. And the garden gnomes. And the Travelocity Gnome.
  • Creativity is diminished as well as problem solving skills. So much for being a private dick. Of course, with that risk-taking problem, he COULD turn into a PUBLIC dick of a whole 'nother variety.
  • Distraction occurs more frequently. Hilarity ensues as he stops what he's saying and doing, mesmerized by a fly. That might work out well for the goat, though.
  • Loss of smell and/or taste. Hence the whole goat thing.
Wait a second -- those WERE Erica's legs at the crime scene? Or is that a red herring? If Erica goes to trial for killing Adam (and she's as good a guess as any), will she use a menopausal defense?

Erica asks Kendall where she was and Kendall gives a flimsy excuse about going up to the roof. Erica, herself, gives a flimsy excuse about taking a bath with her phone turned off. BZZZZZZT! Why would she turn her phone off if she KNEW her baby grandson was at death's door? TOTAL lie! For that matter, why wasn't SHE at the hospital WITH Kendall in her time of need?

Robin "stay tuned for answers to these questions and more ... As The Stomach Turns" Coutellier

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