BC - Mon, 7/27/09

Ryan is acting like Emma is catatonic. She doesn't look catatonic to ME. So she pulled a pillow over her head and refused to talk to anyone. BFD! She's obviously depressed and doesn't want to talk to anyone, but that's hardly a reason to take her to the EMERGENCY ROOM. That's not a psychotic break, that's a depressed version of a TANTRUM. Granted, tantrums probably COULD be interpreted as psychotic breaks if you look at them out of context, but they're pretty normal for children (and more than a few adults). I can't WAIT until she's a teenager. If Ryan's solution to a tantrum by a 7-yr-old is to put her in the emergency room, wait until he has to deal with telling her she can't go out dressed like that or that she's grounded.

Don't get me wrong -- Emma IS traumatized by what she saw and/or did, but Ryan is WAAAAAAY overreacting. I don't think I've EVER seen him discipline her. He just talks in a very concerned voice and tries to reason with her about why she shouldn't do whatever it is that she did or that she shouldn't lie. Just once I'd like to hear him say "GO TO YOUR ROOM!" Emma has a LOT of potential for the next SORASED (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome (formerly known as Pine Valley Glandular Disease back in the late 1980s or early 1990s)) hellion, as does Kathy.

BTW, I think Lucy Merriam (Emma) is doing a GREAT job lately!

If Emma is curled up into a ball in a hospital room, WTF is Ryan sitting OUTSIDE the room in the hallway with Erica??? You don't bring your child to the emergency room and then just leave her there alone!!!

I'm glad to see that at least ONE person on the show (Zach) keeps his gun(s) in a SAFE.

Why does Tad keep quipping about TVs? First he makes a big deal about installing a digital converter (even though he undoubtedly has cable and/or satellite, which is already digital), and then jokes about Amanda buying him a flat-screen TV (after she knocks over and breaks Taylor's TV). Why does this bug me? Because I distinctly remember him setting up a complicated digital TV/home theater (did Jamie set it up for him?), so unless that TV broke (which he would, of course, immediately replace with a NEW digital TV), it's all just for show (so to speak).

Didn't Amanda say that the window was open, so she just climbed in to be with the baby? Setting aside for a moment the utter stupidity of that action, why was the window open in the middle of the night? "Close the windows and lock the doors." That's Home Security 101 and most CHILDREN know that rule, so why doesn't the Lieutenant-who-can-kill-(and-HAS-killed)-a-man-with-her-bare-hands know that? Apparently she thinks that closing the blinds is all the security that is necessary, despite the fact that a baby-obsessed asshole is obsessed with finding THAT BABY. I'll give her this, though -- the blinds ARE still closed, even though it's a few hours later, which is more than I expected. If she and Tad decide to have sex, though, the blinds WILL be open -- it's apparently written into the condo Homeowners Association bylaws that the blinds MUST be open if people are going to be having sex.

After everything that's gone down, is Zach going to go shoot someone ELSE so that BOTH he and Kendall end up in prison? And how, exactly, does that work out best for the boys who will be stuck being raised by a a woman who insists that they call her Mama's Mama? I'm sure the inappropriate clothing, stiletto heels, hallucinations and copious perfume will be a comfort to them, though.

Are Taylor and Tad going to let the baby sleep on top of Amanda on the couch all night? That's not exactly a safe situation, either.

Unless he has a degree in child psychology, I don't see how it would be legal for the D.A. to force an interview with a traumatized child. It's not like the information has to be elicited from her RIGHT THAT SECOND, and it should be done by someone who specializes in interviewing children.

Why didn't the alarm go off when Annie went out to the patio to investigate the broken flower-pot?

What is Zach hoping to accomplish by shooting through the patio window/door?

Robin "is he going to plant the gun on Annie & to make it look like she tried to kill Adam?" Coutellier

BC - Fri, 7/24/09

David tells Colby he's going to stick around because the baby seems like he has a low-grade fever. In case the baby gets worse, David wants to make sure he's there to get him to the hospital. He says this as he sloshes quite a bit of wine into a glass. Yeah, that's what *I* want for my baby -- a drunken doctor who refuses to leave when he's not needed or wanted. Colby isn't experienced enough to know how to handle someone who rolls right over her like that, though. BTW, I doubt the baby is sick -- David is just using that as a ruse to be there and say there.

Oops, looks like Adam's security team has done their job for the rest of the summer. They escorted Ryan earlier, but Kendall just walks on up and presses herself up against the windows. The siren, at least, DOES go off when she opens the UNLOCKED patio door. Oh, hey, there's Security NOW; now that someone has actually walked into the house and could have easily murdered at least a couple of people in the meantime.

I LOVED how Annie says that Kendall got away and that the new "crack security team" is turning into a big fat failure. BWAHAHAHAAA! What did she mean "turning INTO"? Still it is SOOO refreshing to see that: a) Adam actually has a working alarm after all this time, and b) twice in one show they've ridiculed how bad the crack security team is. I think CRACK is a required substance for any security personnel within Pine Valley.

Does Kendall REALLY think that she shot Stuart, or is she protecting EMMA, who probably shot Stuart, by taking the fall for her?

Robin "at least she didn't have grief sex over it ... this week" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 7/23/09

Line of the Day:
Adam to security guy who brings Ryan to the door to see Adam: "Well, it's nice to see you boys actually do your job every once in a while." BWAHAHAHAHA!! Of course, just because Ryan INSISTED on seeing Adam, it doesn't mean they had to take him to the door to TELL that to Adam. Is that REALLY doing their job? Who's paying them, Adam or Ryan. If Adam, then Ryan can cool his heels at the gate.

I'm trying to decide who is the worse actress, the one who plays Colby or the one who plays Randi.

Robin "right now, Randi is at the top of my list -- & then some" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 7/22/09

Even if they can't get Kendall for murder, after she desperately tried to browbeat Emma into admitting that Annie actually shot Stuart, they can now get Kendall for tampering with a witness.

How many of you were urging Amanda to just "give him a tit" when the baby was crying and they were trying to keep him quiet so that Liza wouldn't hear him? She was wearing a strapless dress, so it would have been EASY to do. Of course, she would no longer have any milk and the baby would probably cry about THAT, but it could have shut him up for a minute until he figured it out.

When Erica was having a heart-to-heart talk with Emma, was anyone else hoping Emma would sweetly pipe up and say: "I like you! Can I call you GRANDMA?"

Amanda gets upset that Taylor's place isn't babyproofed. Does she REALLY think the baby is going to go straight for the corkscrew at the tender age of about 6 weeks? Not that I would BLAME it for wanting to head for a different kind of bottle, but there's time enough to hide the corkscrew and just set out freely available decanters of the hard stuff (if they aren't set out already).

Why doesn't the condo have a peephole in the door?

Is it my imagination, or does Emma have fairly long legs? I never noticed it until she was stretched out on her bed and then squatted down to filch the cellphone from Erica's purse. She might be relatively tall when she grows up.

How is Taylor supporting herself? I know it's come up on several occasions in on-line discussions. Volunteering to take care of the baby makes it clear she's not doing much of anything with her time, so where is her money coming from? I know Brot was helping her pay the rent when she first moved in.

Robin "perhaps she invested wisely" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 7/21/09

MARIAN!

Why would Jake and Amanda bring the baby to TAD's house? I mean, David walks in there on his own more often than he goes to the bathroom. Why didn't he just put Amanda and the baby up in a hotel somewhere under an assumed name? Or just have Amanda and the baby stay with the nanny (who seems to be quite accommodating, even if she DID totally ignore Jake and Amanda)? They could go bunk with Kelsey or Tara while Jake worked and told people that Amanda went off to grieve with her brother -- ANYTHING other than taking the baby to the one place where David is SURE to pop up uninvited.

Erica tells Ryan that she's been to prison, so she certainly knows what Kendall is facing. Uh, so does Kendall, who also happens to be a convicted felon (perjury landed her at least 2 years in the State pen, where she met JaNut From Another Planet).

When did seagulls start hanging around the Chandler estate? We had seagulls circling the field at my high school in San Jose (we're not REAL far from the SF Bay, but not real close, either), so the fact that seagulls are there is not that big a deal, but today is the first time I've HEARD seagulls (as opposed to the standard bird chirps they usually use). How long before we find out that Adam's boathouse is actually a private dock on the Pennsylvania Ocean?

How much you want to bet that the fact that Kendall was willing to plea to a lesser charge in exchange for a 10-year sentence comes out at trial? It's not SUPPOSED to come out (take the David Westerfield/Danielle Van Dam trial, for instance), but I bet it DOES.

Robin "along with a slew of other inadmissible evidence & testimony" Coutellier

BC - Mon, 7/20/09

Why isn't there a curtain on the door to the balcony from Emma's bedroom? Who knows what kind of pervert might be looking in with binoculars?

Why would the D.A. show up for a simple ankle bracelet issue? Doesn't he have better things to do with his time?

Liza said that after Colby left, one day she looked in the mirror and didn't like the woman looking back at her. I can understand that. I don't like her, either.

Considering that Kendall hasn't actually gone THROUGH with the plea deal yet, it's a major breach of confidentiality for eBabe to go straight to Scott and JAR to tell them that it's in the works. Not that ethics ever stopped anyone in PV.

CHOKE FACTOR: Erica tells Ryan: "With you in her life, how could Emma be ANYTHING but all right?" OH PUH-LEEZE!!!! How many times has Emma been kidnapped already? How many times has Annie managed to break/sneak in and see Emma, no matter how high the security on her? How many times has he shoved her out the door to find her own way to the bus stop? Ryan is a wealthy man. Why doesn't he have a full-time, LIVE-IN nanny who will at least care enough to pick Emma up from school so that Emma doesn't have to sit ALL ALONE AND UNSUPERVISED on a bench waiting for a bus to take her home? Hell, he could pay a DOG-WALKER to at least escort her to and from the bus-stops. Given her genetics AND her environment, how can Emma grow up to be anything BUT extremely disturbed?

The D.A. is willing to cut Annie (a MULTIPLE murderer, kidnapper and all-around psychopath) a deal so that he can take the word of a 7-8-yr-old child about a murder that happened on a dark and stormy night when there were LOTS of people roaming about?

Robin "I'm wondering if some people are right and EMMA was the shooter" Coutellier

A Port In A Storm, Part III

More reasons why I'm different from and/or it's better to be me than to be a character in Pine Valley (and, yes, there IS more to come):

• If a sign in a hospital tells me not to use my cellphone near the cardiac wing, I don't use my cellphone near the cardiac wing.

• I've never put on a hospital gown that had a seam up the back.

• If I'm ever in a coma or have a broken back or something like that, I would hope they wouldn't prop me up into a sitting position all the time.
  

• On the rare occasions I've been in the hospital, no one ever professionally styled my hair, applied flawless makeup, painted my nails, or bent down to close to me to tell me they could kill me at any moment or picked up a pillow to demonstrate the point. At least not while I was awake.
  

• If a doctor treating me happened to be a sworn enemy or just a world-class asshole, who has stalked me and should probably be in jail, or just someone I've had sex with, I would request another doctor.
  

• If I were to have a secret that was so devastating that it would ruin lives (particularly my OWN life), I wouldn't be yapping about it with other people at every possible opportunity, especially in public places.
  

• I would probably not live on a yacht for a variety of reasons; mostly, I wouldn't want to have to deal with the septic tank.

• I don't hang out alone at city parks in the middle of the night to brood about things or just get some fresh air.

• I don't have catfights in the ladies room with women old enough to be my mother. I don't have catfights, period.

• I've never buried someone alive near a park bench in order to get them to cooperate with me.

• I don't bring home boxes of clothes when I go shopping unless the clothes were pre-packaged in boxes to begin with.

• In my experience, not EVERY single sexual experience is AMAZING! Sometimes it's just nice or ... okay.
  

• When I give someone a gift-wrapped present, they usually have to UNwrap it, not just remove the top of the box, which has been separately gift-wrapped.

• Speaking of being separately wrapped, I've never gotten out of bed and wrapped a blanket or sheet around me to walk across a room -- a ROBE, maybe, but not a sheet or blanket.
  

• I'm pretty sure I haven't had any hallucinations.
  

Robin "unless THIS is a hallucination" Coutellier

BC - Wed-Fri, 7/15-17/09

Why did Liza feel a need to work on a capital murder case on her laptop in the middle of a casino?

Why is Emma waiting all alone on a bench where any strange man (like Henry North) could talk to her or snatch her? That ick factor was CLANGING for me!

Ah, just as I thought -- there IS no deadbolt on Ryan's front door, just a thumb-latch.

Why isn't the door from Emma's room to the balcony locked? Annie just waltzes on in.

Poor Emma should be quite street savvy by now, considering how much she is left alone and neglected.

Why is the nanny for Amanda's baby acting like Jake and Amanda are invisible? You'd think Amanda would be asking her a MILLION questions about every moment of the baby's life since he's been there.

Robin "for instance, when did he start smiling?" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 7/14/09

OMG, What did eBabe do to her HAIR? I suppose it looks nice enough, but it's a shock to see such a drastic change.

eBabe tells a frazzled Colby that she has the magic touch (the baby is crying and Colby is babysitting). Colby relents and lets her in. eBabe picks up the baby, who stops crying. What a novel IDEA! Pick up a baby and it stops crying! Apparently the instructions for that are too complicated for Colby to comprehend or even think of in the first place.

Then Amanda comes by to see Liza (who is not there). Amanda asks if she can hold the baby. Colby tells her: "I actually had to put the baby down." YIKES! I suppose that IS one way to get it to stop crying, but it's a little drastic, even for someone as airheaded as Colby.

Tad tells Taylor that the bullet to his head changed something -- it's like it blew away all the garbage that had been weighing him down. It blew away the head writer, Chuck Pratt?

Robin "let's hope it blew him all the way to a deserted island" Coutellier

A Port In A Storm, Part II

Well, it doesn't look like I'll be able to watch the show tonight, either, despite my best intentions, so here are some more reasons why I'm different from and/or it's better to be me than to be a character in Pine Valley:

• I ALWAYS say good-bye when I'm about to hang up the phone (unless it's a telemarketer). I don't just hang up when I'm done talking.

• I'm pretty sure I've never murdered anyone and then forgotten about it. Of course, that doesn't mean I DIDN'T do it and I just don't remember it. There's only just so much room in my brain, after all.
  

• If I were ever planning to ask someone to marry me, I would put it in the form of a question, not a DEMAND.

• I don't feel a need to marry someone just to stick it to someone else.

• I don't yank people around to get them to listen to me. I'm amazed no one in PV has yet to end up with a sprained elbow or dislocated shoulder due to that kind of behavior.

• I've never dumped a 6', 180 lb man down a laundry chute in a Victorian house after knocking him out with a small hand mirror.

• I don't constantly stand up, sit down, turn around and walk away, turn around, walk back, say a couple of words, turn my back on the other person, and then repeat the process when I'm talking to someone who is standing right there.

• I don't have super-sonic hearing that allows me to eavesdrop on conversations in crowded bars or any other crowded room. I have enough trouble hearing what people are saying on TV without be blasted out of my chair when music suddenly starts playing.
  

• I don't mischievously jump into a pond or an ocean in the middle of a winter in Pennsylvania.

• I've never stabbed anyone, although I did once accidentally puncture my hand with an X-acto knife when I was 19.

• I've never jumped, fallen or been pushed out of an airplane over the British Channel, only to wash up 20 minutes later on a beach in Pennsylvania. Or anywhere else.
  

• I've never woken up to find myself pinned against a wall in a cave by a wall of big rocks.
  

• I'm pretty sure there's no such thing as the Pennsylvania Ocean, since Pennsylvania is a landlocked commonwealth.

• I've never been struck by lightning.

• I've never confused a doll for a real baby except for props on TV or from a distance.
  

• I've never had sex on a casino gaming table. I did get a REALLY sore tailbone from having sex on the edge of a cheap couch once, though. Really, try explaining THAT one to the doctor.
  

• I've never seen an isolated cabin in the woods up in the mountains gradually tiptoe down from the mountain-top to the point where it is then located in the middle of town.

• I've never concocted a nefarious drug and fed it to anyone, let alone an entire town.

• If an enemy or even potential enemy kept popping up in my house, I would call 911 AND file a restraining order. I'd also keep pepper spray, a letter opener, a baseball bat and a hammer handy. At the very LEAST I'd squirt the person with my sport-top water bottle.
  

• I don't leave expensive things just sitting around outside while I go sailing.

• If I had ambitions to become a doctor or lawyer, I'm pretty sure I'd have to go to school for several years and work my way up the ladder after that.

• I don't throw other people's cellphones away just to get their attention.

• I don't have something new to wear every day of my life.

• I am not emaciated nor do I have breast implants that look like coconuts glued to my chest. If I DID look like that, I'm pretty sure someone would notice it and look askance.

• If I were to get a shot, stabbed, sliced open or burned, I would have a scar.

• No one has ever knocked ME out, other than an anesthesiologist, and that cost me big bucks.

• Speaking of big bucks, most people I meet are NOT rich. Especially ME. Yet???
  

• I don't faint at the slightest upset or bump on the head.

• If I thought I might be pregnant with a baby other than that of my S.O.'s, and I didn't want anyone else to know, I would not be pulling a pregnancy test out of my purse to stare at and wave it around 50 times a day. It would STAY out of sight until I had a chance to pee on it. In private.

• I don't use a transporter device to get me from one place to the other.

• If I ever WERE planning to shoot someone, I would not be constantly pulling the gun out before the event in order to caress it.

• I don't slap people when I get mad at them. I HAVE been known to give the finger to other drivers when I know they can't see me or at least they can't see the finger.

• I know that if I'm ever put on trial for something, the trial probably won't commence in the next week or two, let alone tomorrow.

• I know that I would not be able to pull together a lavish wedding or party within a day or two.

• If I were ever to knock someone out who was trying to kill me, I would tie them up, escape , or both; I would NOT hang around doing other things when they could come to at any moment. (Contrary to what the soaps may show, most people don't stay knocked out for very long at ALL unless there is a SERIOUS injury involved.)

• If I need to get hold of someone in a hurry, I usually call them. I don't waste time getting in my car and driving across town or into other towns unless I can't reach them any other way.
  

• After the first 4-5 marriages didn't work out, I would probably decide I'm better off alone.

Robin "still storm-tossed" Coutellier