BC - Wed, 7/20/11

Tad said Dixie's father, Seabone Hunckle, just passed away. I could have Ihe died a long time ago.

Why would Seabone Hunckle have Dixie's childhood journal? He didn't live with Dixie, her mother and Will. He left them and started another family (hence Dell, (not to mention Di with yet another woman) -- Seabone got around. Dixie didn't spend her childhood with Seabone, so they are rewriting history unless Dixie entrusted her diary to him as an adult, which seems highly unlikely.

Isn't it a little late in the lifetime of the show for them to develop someone just BECOMING dependent upon alcohol and/or drugs (I'm talking about Asher). And what the hell IS Asher's real name, anyway? Are we ever going to find THAT out? Asher Pike sounds like a fish with a nasty cigarette habit.

Haven't we see Maria wear that dress before? Maybe she borrowed one of Krystal's dresses, given their shared affinity for really big implants. Maybe it's the only thing that would fit her.

Does anyone else cringe whenever JAR refers to eBabe as a lesbian? I don't mean that being a lesbian is cringeworthy, just that I'm not even remotely convinced yet that eBabe IS a lesbian. She seems to have fallen in love with Bianca, but that doesn't make her a lesbian. It's not like she's even had sex with her yet. She's barely kissed her, and those kisses were mega-awkward. I'm not a lesbian, but I bet I could put WAAAY more enthusiasm and realism into a woman-to-woman kiss than eBabe did. I mean, it's only kissing so far; it's another pair of lips. If you're going to do it, DO it. There just doesn't seem to be any underlying drive behind it, despite eBabe suddenly saying that she's been fighting it all along. No. She hasn't because there was nothing there to fight as far as libido goes. Nothing. Zilch. We've all put way more feeling into simply discussing the matter than eBabe has put into their entire relationship pre- and post-revelation.

Frankie called Caleb to discuss Asher's probable need for addiction counseling, despite Asher's resistance to any help. WTF? Unless Asher signed something saying it was okay for Frankie to talk to Caleb about his Asher's medical issues (and he may very well HAVE, considering Caleb has been there for him), Frankie has no right to call Caleb and tell him that Asher appears to be addicted to pain pills.

How many times now has Tad "made peace with Dixie's death"? She's like a life/death/life yo-yo or whack-a-mole.

Is David Canary coming back? I know there were rumors that he was ill and that's why he left the show. I ask because the photo they showed of him looks like it could be more recent. He looks older and softer in it than he did before.

So JAR's going to go out driving while drunk. Who's he going to hit? Maybe Dixie. He already accidentally shot her the LAST time she returned from the dead (although, to be fair, she was only PRETENDING to be dead that time). It would be a PV/Cooney tradition for him to now hit her with his car. Then again, he could hit Amanda. Again. Oooh, what if he hits AJ?

Robin "please, Please, PLEASE hit Ryan!" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 3/31/11

Cara calls Jake and tells him that Angie had the baby and it was not delivered in the hospital.  Jake tells Amanda (with whom he has been making out) about it.  Amanda says:  "You make calls, I'll drive!"  Then they leave.  Uh, where's Trevor?

This baby story is making me SICK!  Jesse and Angie's baby DIED, and not only does Jesse hand over the abandoned baby to her as their own, but he has Brot bury his bio daughter ... where?  A state park?

I know Jesse is overwhelmed and realizes he made a really stupid decision (and involved Brot in it), but this is SO wrong on SO many levels!  You'd think he would have at least thought back to when Frankie was a baby and his father-in-law was the kingpin of a baby-stealing/selling operation.  Jesse and Angie had to go through a lot just to get Frankie back after her father convinced her to give the baby up (he then SOLD Frankie).  The birth mother will want her baby back eventually and Jesse won't have a leg to stand on now that there is technology to identify DNA.  For that matter, for all they know, the birth mother was NOT the person who put the baby in the car.  What if someone stole her baby from HER and then did that?  They know NOTHING about the baby.

Jesse has to make this RIGHT!

Robin "he will, but how long will it take and will he be FORCED into it?" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 12/8/10

Was that bench/settee always there near the Slater front door?

Why would they have a memorial in the Slater living room? It was cozy and all, but now Kendall will have to remember the living room as forever associated with the memorial service. Not that it will stop her from having sex on the couch with someone else, but still.

How long are they going to leave Palmer's portrait sitting on the mantelpiece leaning up against another framed something-or-other. Give him his own place on the wall FGS!

The character of Ian is three years old now. Why is he being portrayed by a toddler sucking on a pacifier? He should be running around asking his mommy "Why?" about everything in his line of sight, building rickety furniture towers to get to things like cookies on top of the fridge, singing songs at the top of his lungs, fighting with his big brother, writing on the walls, etc. He's certainly old enough to be asking detailed questions about things. We need to introduce another syndrome to the list of common PV ailments: Soap Opera Rapid DE-Aging Syndrome, aka SORDS.

Another reason for me to hate Ryan and Greenlee: I can't understand them half the time when they speak. First, I have to say that I have some speakers near my chair (separate from the TV speakers) that are not working optimally, so they do tend to distort/muffle some things slightly. But I don't usually have that much trouble with other characters on the show, mostly just Ryan and Greenlee. They sound like the grown-ups in a Charlie Brown special. Ryan because, let's face, he talks funny (and not in a ha-ha way), whether he's speaking in a whisper-shout or his usual voice. Greenlee -- I don't know what the problem is -- not projecting, perhaps? A consistently dull and lifeless delivery? Whatever it is I can barely understand ANYTHING she says anymore without reading the closed-captioning. When Ryan and Greenlee have a scene together, I have to stop whatever else I might be doing just to read what they are saying. That does nothing to endear these two carnage-inducing characters to me.

Kendall: "Goodbye, Zach. Always only you."

Robin "except when it's someone else -- let the grief sex BEGIN!" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 9/16/10

The show started with Ryan remembering/dreaming about the fight preceding David's presumed death. Ryan was being tortured by David saying "Greenlee is mine, Greenlee is mine, Greenlee is mine", ad nauseam. I kept thinking that what SHOULD have been said and repeated was "What the hell kind of name is GREENlee??" [Yes, I know that Greenlee is the surname of Greenlee's maternal grandparents]

In a new role, the biggest since it portrayed Kendall's home pregnancy test, we have a character-prop labeled "Digitalis", making new appearances as often as possible when it really ought to stay hidden, especially when Greenlee, herself, says that her possessions are being searched for evidence.

That is one extremely unflattering top Bianca is wearing. Actually, it kind of looks like TWO unattractive (not to mention bland) tops, ripped up and loosely basted/glued to each other. What did the wardrobe dept do, tell her to twirl around the set while they threw tops at her, vowing to go with however they landed?

Tad says he can't imagine Ryan poisoning David, and he doesn't think Ryan can imagine it, either. Really? This from the man who buried someone alive and tortured him for, what, weeks, before he died in an "oopsy!" moment? Ryan has tied people up plenty of times, and wasn't he part of the group that strung up Richie with a noose and a chair (just to scare him)? Ryan was raised by a man who routinely beat his wife and children. He was a con-man. He's a man who drives motorcycles off of cliffs and callously lets people think he's dead. He was also the man who went to Fight Clubs and almost punched his wife with his clenched FIST! Being a soap hunk/"hero", he has moved from one violent storyline to another for years on end. Hell, he was beating the SHIT out of David minutes before David died! Ryan is a man of impulsive AND planned violence. He's lost his memory on several occasions and had a brain aneurysm. His brain is obviously f**ked up, probably in part due to all the blows to his head (fists, feet, bullets, rocks, pavement, boards and various handy instruments). Even titanium will break eventually. Poisoning should be a piece of cake (so to speak) for him, especially when it comes to protecting his lady-love (the aforementioned near-punchee).

Kendall says Ryan couldn't possibly have used Digitalis to poison David -- how would he even know what the drug would do? Uh, one word: I-N-T-E-R-N-E-T. Oh, looks like she figured that out by the end of the show (via his phone search history). Now the vial of "D" has fingerprints from, at a minimum, Greenlee and Kendall, both of whom are obvious potential suspects.

AJ got into a fight with another kid, who required 11 stitches. The principal discusses it with JAR who bribed him to let it go via an offer of new playground equipment, which makes me wonder why they are sending their precious little heir to a school that's so cash-strapped it can't even afford decent playground equipment. In today's politically correct, zero tolerance atmosphere, I'm surprised Jesse wasn't there arresting AJ.

Okay, THAT much invocation of Leo's name is a pretty good indication that Leo may show up again. And they aren't just showing LEO's photo -- it's a photo of Josh Duhamel playing Leo. I would LOVE to see him on the show again, but I have my doubts he'll return; they couldn't afford him anymore, and he's busy making several movies. However, I could easily see them pulling a JaNut and have him return after extensive plastic surgery, looking like a "new" man. If he does, that would make TWO of her husbands that have returned from the dead (THREE if we assume that David is not really dead and will eventually come back). Greenlee, herself, has returned from the dead. She's not a Black Widow so much as an out-of-control dead/not-dead remote control, not unlike a malfunctioning garage door opener.

Robin "whatever happened to her 'natural look' makeup campaign?" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 9/9/10

Isn't it possible that David was NOT murdered? It's been speculated that the ME sounds a lot like Vincent Irizarry -- and he DOES. I'm reserving my opinion as to whether he's a) dead, b) took one of his homemade potions to make him APPEAR dead and bribed the ME to go along with it, or c) he paid someone else to get plastic surgery to look like him, then disguised himself as an ME, having drugged the plastic-surgicized (yes, I DID just make that word up) person to make him appear dead.

So they ARE going to do an autopsy in an completely inappropriate room.

Does anyone else keep thinking they are seeing Greenlee when the camera first shows the new Bianca?

The "interrogation" of Ryan keeps getting interrupted because people keep dropping by the PVPD to visit with him. WTF? They are trying to get to the bottom of a possible murder and women keep knocking on the door to talk the person of interest out of cooperating and the police just acquiesce and let them interrupt the questioning! Ryan may not be under arrest at this point, but I'm pretty sure police don't allow people to barge on into interrogation rooms. For that matter, most places nowadays are behind bulletproof glass between the public entrance and the inner workings of the dept and you need to key in a code to get in or be buzzed in, but the PVPD has always been set up like it was in the town of Mayberry RFD in the 1960s.

It's the next day. If Natalia has enough time to take a walk in the park, why doesn't she have enough time to go home and change the clothes she was wearing the night before?

How can Liza book Ryan for murder if they don't have proof yet that David WAS murdered?

Robin "all they know is that he's dead and not even THAT is certain" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 9/8/10

Uh, where IS David's body? I know he can't be in the morgue because Amanda just waltzed on in. So ... it's not the morgue, right? Right. I mean, once they start in with the saws and stuff, blood could mist over to the windows and blinds in the room, which weren't far from the table. If you are going to be doing autopsies, you really want a room that can be easily hosed down, not to mention quite cool. I think it was just a hospital room. That begs the question of why the pathologist was headed toward it, but maybe he was going to wheel David to the morgue himself.

I wonder what the Medical Examiner thought of Amanda. I mean, when he looked at her, did he see an extremely attractive, sexy woman or a "healthy young adult female with no obvious deformities or injuries; approximately __ centimeters in height and __ kilograms in weight; bi-lateral breast implants, serial numbers to be noted at a later date"?

All things considered, David's body should be GUARDED all the time until an autopsy is done. After all, pretty much everyone in town (and OUT of town, for that matter) hated his guts and might have cause to tamper with the body. But nooooo, there's Jake, inspecting the body, hands-on, despite the fact that he went to great lengths to thwart David and have his medical license taken away. Jake is not only one of the top suspects in his own right, but he's strongly attached to some of the other top suspects. And there's Amanda, who has reasons of her own to hate David, even if she is weepy and sentimental about his death. Is anyone else going to visit the body before it gets autopsied?

What is WITH that extra with the little hat at the Yacht Club? She keeps walking back and forth and back and forth and back and forth, usually right past the spot where David's body was. Someone needs to give that woman a Xanax or strap her to a chair or something. Or just boot her out -- she has no business there. I didn't see her carrying any swabs, so I'm pretty sure she's not a member of the Forensics team. She's a member of the Look-At-My-Hat team. She was like one of those battery-operated toy cars that changes direction upon bumping into things, with no particular destination planned, just aimlessly wandering around.

Jesse is concerned about Angie, so Natalia urges him to take the night off assuring him that everyone who needs to be on the case is already hard at work [snort!]. So he does. David Hayward has just been MURDERED and the Chief of Police, who was there at the time, takes the night off at the urging of his rookie detective daughter. Nice. Of course, given the enmity between Jesse and David, it's probably just as well that he DOESN'T work on the case, but shouldn't he be around for other shit since so many other Public Safety personnel will be focusing on the murder? Who's going to hand out speeding tickets, show up after 7-11 robberies, and bust drugged-out teenagers at the boathouse? Oops, no boathouse anymore. Okay, who's going to bust drugged-out teenagers and various sexual deviants prowling that pretty park in the night? Who's going to show up when someone inevitably punches David Hayw-- um, scratch that last one.

Robin "the Props Dept will have to install punching bags and/or clowns at all the PV homes and establishments to take up the slack" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 9/7/10, Part 2

Who are some of the suspects in David's death? Let's break it down:

Ryan (obvious choice, so we know it isn't him even though they were just beating each other) - David has hurt pretty much everyone knows. Ryan has a long history with David, going back Gillian. David had made another one of his devil's deals with her when he told her he'd give her money Ryan desperately needed if she would have sex with him. He promised not to tell Ryan. He DID tell Ryan and he kept the money besides (I think). Ryan was one of the people drugged with Libidozone on the yacht party many years ago. David is currently blackmailing Greenlee, the purported love of Ryan's life. David is an asshole.

Greenlee - David has hurt just about everyone she knows. He's blackmailing her into staying married to him and is forever trying to do dastardly things to the purported love of her life, Ryan. He's the reason (sort of) that Erica's plane went down. Mostly it's the emotional abuse, though. David is an asshole.

Angie - David has hurt just about everyone she knows. David has hounded her on the job from day one, both as a doctor and then as a major stockholder/board member. He has also hounded her son and threatened both their jobs. He got the mayor to put Jesse on suspension and tried to get him fired. His drastic cutbacks threaten the health of every person in the hospital and are, in a roundabout way, partially responsible for Angie going blind (in PV logic). Angie hates him for many reasons. Note: Not only did Angie not wear gloves (no excuse), but she had blood on her FACE -- how would gloves have protected her from that? David is a sphincter.

Jesse - David has hurt just about everyone he knows. On a more personal level, David is going after Jesse's family. Jesse hates David with a passion, and he'll hate him even more once he figures out that Angie didn't have gloves immediately available because of David (yes, we know it's her own fault, but that's not going to fly with the Hubbards). David is an asshole.

Frankie - Same reasons as Jesse and Angie, plus his own job is at stake. David is an annoyance.

Randi - She loves the Hubbards and David's constant hassling of them is keeping Frankie from admiring HER 24/7 and spending more money on her. David is an annoyance.

Madison - David tried to get her to spy on Ryan by bribing her with payment of all her bills. She refused. She's loyal to Erica, who helped her when she needed it most, and David almost got Erica killed. She loves Ryan now and David has always treated Ryan badly. Now Ryan is all up in David's face and constantly mixing with Greenlee because of David. David must go so that Ryan can be with MADISON 24/7 and buy her shoes. David is an annoyance.

Erica - David has hurt just about everyone she knows. Erica and David have a VERY long history, good and bad, on the show. He has drugged her (accidentally), kidnapped her, etc. Now he's responsible for framing her via embezzlement of Miranda Foundation funds and he is the main reason behind the circumstances of her plane going down. He was more than willing to send her to jail for the embezzlement and was instrumental in trying to take Fusion away from her. Now he's going after Ryan, who is a very good friend and former (barely) lover. She hates Greenlee, but Greenlee IS Jack's daughter and David is making life miserable for her. David is pathetic.

Jackson - David has hurt just about everyone he knows. David is the reason Erica was being framed and why her plane went down. Greenlee is his daughter and she is very unhappy. He may or may not have found out that she was being blackmailed. David is an asshole.

Jake - Jake HATES David. David has hurt just about everyone he knows. David made Amanda's life HELL and he tried to take their baby away way before she even gave birth. He made a devil's deal with her to have ANOTHER baby with him in order to make him stop trying to get custody of Trevor, even though he knew by then that he was NOT Trevor's biological child. David is always on Jake's case at work and threatening his livelihood. David has made life hell for TWO of Jake's wives (Amanda and Gillian). David has also made life hell for the Martins for years and years and forced Joe Martin to resign. David is an asshole.

Tad - David has hurt just about everyone he knows. The enmity between Tad and David goes back to pretty much the beginning of Dr. Dave coming to town. David had an affair with Dixie and has gone after Tad and JAR for years and years. It's a rare occasion when Tad and David aren't punching each other if they happen to be in the same room although, to be fair, it's usually Tad doing the punching. David helped Dixie to stay undercover in Europe, which ultimately led to neither Tad nor Dixie being able to find their daughter Kathy. David has hounded the Martins, one way or another on a pretty much continual basis. Tad HATES David. David is an asshole.

Liza - David has hurt just about everyone she knows. He DID deliver Colby in an emergency situation, though. Sometimes she and he are on good terms and sometimes they are not. Now he is involving her in his blackmail scheme against Greenlee, although he did put in a good word for Liza with the mayor, resulting in her new job. Even with his good word, though, he could just as easily tell the mayor he has a problem with her and Liza will be out on her uptight ass, so it may be pragmatic to get rid of him while she is still on good terms. She could dispose of the blackmail items and no one would be the wiser. Or she could hold onto them and use them for her own blackmail or evidence purposes. David is an inconvenience.

Damon - David is a mean old man who is also an arch-enemy of Damon's new-found father. Damon is off his meds, which makes him quite impulsive. Nuff said.

Krystal - David has hurt just about everyone she knows. He alienated her from everyone who loved her, married to her and got her addicted to drugs, leading to her temporarily losing custody of Jenny. He's been a terrible father to her daughters, Babe and eBabe. She still loves Tad, David's arch-enemy,although it always has been a rather lukewarm love. David was trying to ruin the life of her best friend, Angie, who is going blind (ostensibly because of David) and is pregnant. She hates him, but not with the same white-hot passion as some others. Krystal has been kind of lukewarm with everyone but Adam. David is tiresome.

JAR - David has hurt just about everyone he knows. Their enmity also goes way back to when JAR was about 13. David split up the happy home of Tad and Dixie. David thought JAR was a punk, a drug addict and a snotty little bastard who was interfering with David's relationship with Dixie (all true). David has been butting heads, often violently, with Tad from day one. David gave a lethal dose of drugs to Adam in order to "save the day". David hung around the tunnels (lived in them for a while) to mess with his family and try to find ways to get custody of AJ. David's unrelenting pursuit of custody of AJ resulted in AJ being placed in foster care for a while (with Angie and Jesse). David paid Amanda to seduce JAR and get him to start drinking again. David kept trying to talk eBabe into leaving JAR. David is an asshole.

For some and/or all of the above reasons or some other reasons, the following people are also suspects:

Amanda
Kendall
Zach
Bianca (who has recently renounced any loyalty to him)
Opal
Mayor Blanco (maybe he now has something on HER)
JAR
Scott
Caleb
Asher (we don't know WHY he's here)
Natalia
Annie (who doesn't really NEED a reason)

Off-canvas:
JaNut (Amanda's mother)
Tim Dillon (Amanda's brother)
Mary Smythe (Greenlee's mother)
Adam
Brooke
Nurse Gayle
Marian Colby
Maria Santos Grey
Joe Martin
Ruth Martin
Jeff Martin
Jamie Martin
Pretty much ANY Martin
Vanessa
One of the Kennecotts
Happy The Dog
A multitude of lab geeks who did his bidding
And, of course, Anita *

*It's an ongoing joke from many years ago that Anita Santos is to blame for EVERYTHING that goes wrong because she was always saying "It's MY fault!"

Robin "let the murder mystery (such as it is) begin!" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 9/7/10, Part 1

Okay, David is dead. Presumably. The suspects are innumerable given what an evil, obnoxious, scheming, manipulative man he was. Really, we don't know yet if he died from a beating or poison or what, so even people IN the room when he staggered in are suspects. Of course, David being David, he COULD just be letting people THINK he died. Until we see the autopsy, we won't REALLY know. He's had a LOT of practice arranging for other people to be fake-dead, after all.

OR, maybe David chose this moment to end his own life in a dramatic way. Maybe he found out he really DID have a terminal disease. This way he can do a lot of damage with lots of suspects. Yeah he and Ryan were beating each other ,and he may have gotten into it physically with someone else after THAT, but what if he also took some sort of time-delay, undetectable potion he made that made him die?

Jake performed CPR on David for a total of about 26 seconds before declaring him "gone". Now THAT is a dedicated doctor!

I was wrong about the white dress on the extra I described in the last Boogie Chillen. Those aren't pouches, just some giant flaps of some kind. There may or may not be bow-like appendages to the side of the giant flaps. Whatever it is, it's HIDEOUS! The black dashes I described before, up close, are actually large square shiny things, similar to sequins, but much, MUCH bigger.

LOD:
Mayor Blanco: "Your ethics are not a priority right now!"

Liza doesn't HAVE ethics. Truer words were never spoken in Pine Valley, regardless of the situation or people involved.

Have papers been signed as far as Liza being the new DA? Didn't that JUST happen right before the party, with the mayor telling her in passing? Does anyone in town OTHER than the mayor know that Liza is the DA? Oh, apparently the governor of PA approved it. That doesn't mean it's official, though, unless Liza filled out some paperwork.

Liza has way, Way, WAAAAY too many connections to David to be a prosecutor in this case. He delivered Colby. He's an enemy of Tad, with whom she has an off-and-on relationship. He's an enemy of Zach, whom she also loves. He's blackmailed HER on occasion, forcing her to represent him. She DID represent him (as she stated to the mayor). For all those reasons and more, there's no way in HELL she would be able to get anywhere near this case in real life. Don't they have an Assistant DA? Also, she falsely accused Jesse of raping or attempting to rape her when they were teens. It was a long time ago, but they should NOT be working together on a murder case. I don't know the solution to that kind of ethical dilemma in real life. In PV life, it won't matter one whit.

All things considered, Jesse did a lousy job of securing the crime scene. While he did need to tell people it was a crime scene and not to leave, he should also have been standing over the corpse and trying to guard it from being contaminated. Why is everyone from the party STILL hanging around on the terrace well after David died but his body was still there? Shouldn't they have been herded into a ballroom or something? But nooooooo, they're walking all over the place and sitting at tables, milling around the railing between the walkway and the terrace, getting all manner of contaminants (hairs, fibers, dust, sequins, feathers, etc.) on things. For all the police know, people are standing behind the railing and spitting on the corpse! There could be blood or other DNA evidence transferred to the railing during his fall. The extras probably stepped on TOP of his body to walk by when Greenlee was at the very nearby table with Amanda, because there really wasn't much room to do otherwise. And, of course, someone threw their jacket over him a few moments after Jake pronounced him dead, which, in itself, is contaminating the body and crime scene. What a bunch of knuckleheads.

Then Greenlee kneels down and holds David's hand and cries over him, contaminating the body and her OWN body by touching him. For all the cops know, she's also removing or planting some kind of evidence. TOTALLY bogus!

That ring Greenlee is wearing is GIGANTIC; it's at LEAST a 1"x1.5" rectangle that I would only expect to see on someone at Halloween or perhaps at a costume party. Maybe it's a locket and it's where she keeps her mad money, the key to her safety deposit box and few other spare rings. Here's a practical question: How does she wipe herself without getting it caught on the underside of the toilet seat? That thing is big enough to BE a toilet seat!

Greenlee tells David's body that he deserved better than this. No he didn't. He deserved far WORSE, given what he's done to people over the years. All things considered, it was a pretty tame death, even if he DID get beat up first. For someone of David's caliber and history, you would at LEAST expect some preliminary torture or bizarre punishment or other more exotic death like being buried alive under a park bench (oops, BTDT). Some other options:

• He could have been thrown into a garbage bin just before pickup and been crushed in the truck or suffocated under tons of garbage.

• He could have been tied to a railroad track.

• He could have been asphyxiated from the overwhelmingly powerful air-freshener in his room or all the perfume, cologne, dry cleaning chemicals and dryer-sheet scents wafting from all the party-goers and waiters.
  

• He could have been stabbed with a BBQ fork.
  

• How about he punched someone who had just put a cocktail weenie into their mouth and the punch made the weenie fly out of that guy's mouth and into David's, causing David to choke to death?
  

• He could have burned some gift from Greenlee in a fireplace and died from toxic fumes.
  

• He could have gotten stuck in a revolving door in the Chandler tunnels, became nauseous, and choked on his own vomit.

• One of his Facebook friends could have been mad when he unfriended them, so they posted an ad on Craigslist pretending to be him and asked someone to kill and eat him.

• He could have slipped in the shower, fallen through the glass and landed with his head in the toilet.
  

• Angie could have bit him when he poked his finger in her face one too many times and the virus she has mutated and went straight to his heart.
  

• How about he tripped on the stairs, an extra behind him can't stop in time and her stiletto heel punctures his skull and skewers his brain?
  

• Maybe someone sets it up so that it looks like he died from autoerotic asphyxiation?
  

• Spontaneous combustion? I'm kind of surprised he didn't just shrivel up, leaving only his clothes and a wisp of steam or pile of ashes.
  

• An infected papercut? On his tongue?

• SOMETHING other than him being punched a lot which, let's face it, is kind of a normal day for him? Okay, maybe he has been punched SO many times during his time in PV that this was the last straw and he just imploded.
  

• There should have been coyotes howling when he keeled over or a flock of seagulls passing and pooping on him.
  

They should have given us a death scene that consisted of more than him staggering in, everyone turning to look at him and him keeling over, just like that. A fall over a railing from a not-quite-3-feet above the terrace doesn't really cut it in the drama department. He should have been staggering all OVER the place, tossing out little insults and goodbye stuff like "Tell eBabe I love her" and "Greenlee loves ME, not Ryan" and "Hey Tad, Dixie was a GREAT f**k!" and "Don't forget to feed my goldfish" and "The person who did this to me is ........... uh-oh ..." Thud.

Come ON! How about a little CREATIVITY, writers! Okay, it's too late for an exotic death, coyotes howling or seagulls pooping on him. At the very LEAST, can we find out when they undress him at the morgue that he's wearing lady's underwear? A Wonderbra, a lacy thong, garter belt and stockings isn't TOO much to ask for, is it? And we want to SEE it.

Oh well, maybe Vanessa and/or Leo will show up at the funeral. They never found the bodies, after all.

David's been dead for a while. So why did a cop just THEN go to his room? Shouldn't someone have been posted there right away (and NOT gone in until Forensics had a chance to investigate) considering his room was right there at the yacht club?

All things considered, did it ever occur to Kendall's pea-brain that Ryan might need medical assistance? He IS semi-fresh out of a coma from a brain aneurysm, after all and he clearly has amnesia. Protecting him as far as David goes isn't going to matter much if he's (further) brain-damaged or dead (again). Why hasn't she at least taken care of the gash on his face? For that matter, why isn't blood smeared all over his face instead of just near the gash? You would think it would have bled profusely.

Apropos of nothing, I think they should introduce Mayor Blanco's famous daughter and have her (if she's of age) start a relationship with Bianca. If they got married, Bianca could be Bianca Blanco. Then we could call her BiancaBlonkaDonk.

Robin "who will be our Snidely Whiplash NOW?" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 4/20/10

When Adam started talking about how he didn't REALLY mean that he wanted Palmer dead, I flashed back to that scene when they met up in a bar to discuss something they were going to work on TOGETHER. The way they were dressed made these two Titans of Industry look like a couple of gay lumberjacks (it was the lumberjack part that made it so funny, especially since I don't think that was the look they were going for).

DAISY! Wow, Gillian Spencer looks FABULOUS!

Did you catch Tad's Earth Day reference when he walked in on Opal? He said he was all for being green, but did she have to do it in the dark?

This could be a great opportunity, storyline-wise, for Opal to find out that Palmer DID recover his fortune and he left it all to her and Petey. Then Opal could move on in a few months and find a guy without the prospect of she Palmer popping back in to reclaim her love, since she and he never really moved on after splitting up.

People sound so much younger in the old clips. It makes me wonder how much my own voice has changed over the years. Speaking of the clips, since they were all memories, anyway, they could have letterboxed them or layered them over some other kind of background to make them fit screens proportionally instead of stretched horizontally. I'm curious, did people with widescreen TVs get the horizontal stretch effect?

Now that Palmer is dead, what will happen to the $1/year rent on the Fusion building?

It's sad, but also heartwarming to see the actors expressing genuine emotion over the death of a character, given that James Mitchell (1920-2010), who was VERY well-liked by others died in January. He and his character had a long history on the show and with so many of the longer-term characters. He was really great in his prime and could stir up a lot of emotions.

Did Erica notify Mark and Ellen about Palmer's passing? Ellen was a VP at Cordtlandt Electronics in Asia, after all, and she was previously married to Ross and lived in the Chandler Mansion with Ross and her daughter, Julie.

Between Daisy's necklace and Nina's necklace, I'm surprised that when they hugged on the park bench that they were able to pull apart -- I would think the weight of their respective necklaces would have caused them to be stuck like that with only their heads keeping them from tipping over onto each other.

Here are some brief reminders to jumpstart some of our memories:

• He almost let Nina go blind from diabetes to keep her with him and away from Cliff

• Mr. Ulatowski, Palmer's prison and post-prison toady

• Ross Chandler, Palmer's biological child with Adam's big sister, Lottie

• Nina admiring Ross's ass as he walked away (before she knew he was her brother -- actually I think it was Taylor Miller admiring his ass, not Nina)

• Cynthia & Andrew Preston

• Donna Beck & baby Johnny (John was Palmer's first or middle name)

• Dotty & Edna renting rooms at the mansion

• Jasper & Myra Sloane, his mostly faithful servants; Myra was Daisy's mother and loved to get vicious jibes in at him on occasion; Jasper knew Palmer's polo accident secret

• Natalie Hunter (who told us that Palmer was a stallion in bed)

• Walter Hines was his lawyer (Barry Shire is Adam's lawyer). I can't find that name in the IMDB for the show, but that WAS his name.

• Palmer's safe combination was "N-I-N-A"

• Vanessa Bennett

• Palmer was on the Pine Valley Hospital Board of Directors

• Palmer shot himself to keep Nina with him and he pretended to be paralyzed

• Cortlandt Electronics made a PC named after a fruit, I think; anyone remember what it was called? Now that I think on it, it might have been named the PC Junior.

• He ignored his crazy sister, Bessie, but eventually welcomed her children, Dixie, Will and Lanie

• The pond on the Cortlandt estate was where Silver Kane's body was dumped by Palmer after Natalie killed her with a pair of sewing scissors and hid the body in Timmy's toy drawer. Palmer found it and blackmailed Natalie into marrying him to keep it a secret. Dixie (the Dogpatch/hillbilly version) was swimming in the pond and touched the naked foot.

• Palmer's cook's name was Flossie

• My all-time favorite line of Palmer's: "Heh, heh, heh ..."

AWWWW, now THAT was a great tribute! Really it was MUCH better than a funeral would have been. It was really very sweet and loving and heartfelt and they devoted the entire episode to it, which is unusual nowadays. It was old-school AMC!

Robin "Kudos, AMC, for finally doing it RIGHT!" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 5/28/09

Given David's nature and given the MANY times he's just let himself into the Martin residence, you'd think Jake and Amanda would be a little more circumspect about talking in the house about the baby and their plans. He probably has bugs planted all OVER the house (or he WILL, soon enough).

As usual, the Keystone Kops put people of interest together to get their stories straight and/or tip their hands to each other (Erica and Ryan in this case).

JAR told Colby to stop ragging on Liza (she had just told Liza she wasn't part of the family and was NOT wanted there at the funeral). JAR was surprisingly (for HIM) mature and astute when he pointed out that she needed to think about what Uncle Stuart would have wanted. Marian needs all the support she can get, and that includes her daughter, Liza.

That organ music playing at the funeral while Scott was talking to eBabe at the entrance was AWFUL! It was like they couldn't decide on whether or not to play a dirge, vampire music, or carnival/colliope music.

Look! Cat-Ruth made an appearance at the funeral!

Kendall tells Ryan that it's okay -- LIZA is the one that screwed everything up, not him. Kendall should really consider that by abandoning her seconds-dead infant and going to the mansion to point a gun at Adam/Stuart's head, she might have been just a teensy bit responsible for being in her current predicament. Delusional/self-justifying much?

All right, WHO was eavesdropping on my email to Ashley Mendoza at the Pine Valley Podcast? On May 10 at 7:05 pm I had emailed her the following in response to her asking people for suggestions on a name for an award for actors who take the crappiest writing imaginable and just slog on through like troupers, playing it for all it was worth, as opposed to, say, Rebecca Buddig, who clearly was just phoning in her performances in the last go-around.

*****
Hi Ashley!

I've only read a few comments on last week's podcast, but I was reminded about the award and the need for a name. I would like to suggest something along the lines of the Rubbertree Award. Why? Well, I was reading a comment about it and an old song, HIGH HOPES, popped into my head.

Just what makes that little old ant,
Think he can move a rubbertree plant?
Everyone knows that an ant ... can't ... move a RUBBERTREE PLANT!

But he's got, HIIIIGH HOPES!
He's got HIIIIGH HOPES!
He's got high in the SKY, apple PIIIE hope!

President Kennedy used a variation on that theme during his election campaign (with Sinatra singing it). Shirley on the 1970s LaVerne and Shirley TV show also called upon it during tough times to buck up LaVerne's spirits or to get her to do something that seems hopeless.

It seems to fit with the poor actors trying to give a decent performance in the face of monumentally crappy writing.

Looking forward to the next installment!
*****

O-M-G! The fact that AMC just used that as a part of Stuart's funeral is just plain FREAKY!

Annie is in the cell next to Kendall and offers to help her through her first day in jail. I guess Annie doesn't know that Kendall is an old pro at being arrested and has, in fact, done two years in state prison (where she met Janet From Another Planet).

I've been pretty pre-occupied lately, and I don't think I was really paying attention during the hearing for David's "misconduct" over Adam's prescriptions. Nurse Gayle took the fall for him, and he arranged for her to get a job elsewhere. WTF? Why wasn't she immediately ARRESTED for it?

There will be no Friday Boogie Chillen; it wasn't BAD, I just wasn't inspired to comment on any of it.

Robin "some days are like that" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 5/21/09

Although it's been a little corny so far, I have to say that it's nice to see MEK get a chance to be his quick-witted, silly and endearing self again! I wonder if he's going to remember or admit killing Dr. Madden now that he doesn't have as many social inhibitions.

I like Natalia's new hairdo.

Although he's doing a good job pretending to be dead, David Canary's left eye DID twitch a little when Scott was talking to him about a poem.

Ryan is RICH. Why doesn't HE have people out looking for Annie?

The way Krystal's hair is today, she looks a LOT like Marissa/eBabe.

Krystal may still be wearing the same outfit she was wearing last night, but she sure did get her hair and makeup nicely done. I wonder if she stopped and got her nails done, too.

I'm glad Liza explained that she DID contact Marian.

I liked that Scott went in to talk to Stuart and stroke his face and hair and hug him and cry. See, Kendall and Zach, THAT is how REAL people react when someone they love dies. It may have been fairly short, but at least he STAYED.

Adam was looking pretty pathetic in his confusion and grief, and in a VERY human (aka NON-Adam-like) way.

Robin "will Aidan continue to sneak into Annie's room/cell to have sex with her or will the thrill be gone since she's willing to stay there?" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 5/20/09

I told you Tad would hurt if he laughed. I hope we aren't in for months and months of knock-knock jokes.

Here's another theory on what might have happened. Earlier in the evening Adam had told Stuart that Scott would inherit Chandler Enterprises when he died. Stuart didn't think that was a good idea because Scott just wasn't that type. Sooooo ... what if Stuart got dressed up in one of Adam's suits and combed his hair and then went to see Adam, who would want to know what the devil he was doing in a suit. It's just NOT Stuart's style, after all. Stuart would then have said that he wanted to show Adam that he was making a point -- Stuart is not a suit kind of guy and NEITHER IS SCOTT. Adam leaves the room for some reason, the lights go out, and Stuart is left standing in the dark. Then he gets shot

OR Stuart PLANNED to do the above (except for the last part), but Adam wasn't there, so he was standing there when the lights went out and he got shot. Adam sees what has happened (without others seeing him) and is devastated that Stuart was killed because of HIM. We hear the voices and Adam's own statement that he must die because of what he has done to all of them because that's what's going through ADAM'S mind upon seeing that Stuart has been killed. He didn't need to check for a pulse because their twin connection is so strong that he KNOWS the other half of him has died. Either that or he saw Zach take Stuart's pulse and Zach gave some indication that Stuart was dead. The trauma of what has transpired plus the taking of his altered medication, plus the underlying mental problem sends him into a blackout state.

Liza told Colby she was going to try to find Marian. So why did she then make a beeline for Tad's hospital room?

The baby Liza is "expecting" is probably Amanda's baby. She told Colby and Tad that she went to a sperm bank. That will probably fly for a while, but it's not a very plausible story considering her history. After all, COLBY was a sperm donor baby, but Adam bought the clinic and switched the specimens. People who knew Liza at the time would wonder why she would risk something like that again. Not that Adam would WANT her to have another of his babies. Colby doesn't know about the sperm-switch history or even that she was a product of artificial insemination. She'll probably find that out in the coming months, though.

Speaking of Liza and her history, where the hell did she get her law degree? This came up on R.A.T.S.A. and someone astutely pointed out that Liza has been on the run for all these years. She KIDNAPPED Colby. Adam agreed to drop the charges (for Colby's sake) if she left Colby alone, but Adam probably wouldn't have any say in the matter since the FBI was involved. It would be the FEDS that would decide whether or not to drop the charges. Liza would not have been able to pass the bar using her real name due to the outstanding charges. Does she even have a license to practice law in Pennsylvania? I'm pretty sure she was using aliases. She would have been easily found by Adam if she'd been going by her real name. A law school would probably insist on having her transcripts from PVU. So how is she able to now be a legitimate lawyer (assuming she really IS one) and move about Pine Valley freely using her own name?

Colby is very relieved that her father isn't dead, but considering that her beloved Uncle Stuart IS dead, she's not very upset.

That was pretty good grieving by Scott (right up until he joined the ranks of people who want to kill Adam now more than EVER. He dried up right quick at that point.

It's also possible that SCOTT killed Stuart, thinking it was Adam, because he really DOES want the company or to pay him back because he thinks Adam arranged to have the doctor killed. Then there's the matter of a BABY that might die because of the faulty valve. He COULD have a motive. In any case, he's devastated that Stuart was murdered instead of Adam. If Scott did, indeed, do it, then he's also feeling tremendous guilt.

Robin "no resuming previews after all, just promos" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 5/19/09

Jesse tells JAR that what happened tonight (Tad getting shot) was a horrible, horrible **ACCIDENT**. No it wasn't. Jesse's gun did not ACCIDENTALLY fire itself THREE TIMES into Tad's body. I think only one of the bullets made a direct hit, but he FIRED three times. That's no accident.

Kendall's baby's HEART STOPPED a very short time ago. Now the police want her to come down to the hospital to question her or they'll come and GET her. Why can't they send someone to the hospital to question her THERE? That way, if something happens to the baby she'll at least be nearby. All things considered, she's amazingly calm about it, asking Erica to stay with Ian. The way they are writing her, it's like she doesn't even GIVE a damn about Ian! He's always been an afterthought to her. Right before he temporarily died, she and Zach were told that Ian would probably be dead by morning. They managed to revive him, but I didn't hear anything about his prognosis magically changing. The police can damn well wait until morning for Kendall's statement! She was there and even thinks she was the one who killed Adam, but THEY don't know that (yet)!

Later in the show, David talks about how much Ian is improving and says that they might be able to do surgery to replace the valve soon. Huh? At what point did he miraculously get BETTER as opposed to being revived after his heart stopped? According to them, he was leaking all over the place internally. How did THAT part stop? Did they squirt some of that stuff you squirt into tires to plug a leak down his airway?

Kendall should know better than to lie about leaving the hospital. There are cameras all OVER the place and she would have been caught on them.

Jesse shot someone. Shouldn't he be on Administrative Leave now?

Based on what we heard today, I think we're going to see a LOT of "inappropriate" behavior from Tad pretty much right off the bat. I don't buy the instant laughing, though. You don't laugh as you are coming out from under the influence of anesthesia, and once you DO start laughing, it's probably going to hurt enough that you stop, especially if you've just had surgery on your HEAD. And your throat would be VERY dry, so your voice/laugh would probably be kind of croaky.

As it turns out, STUART was the one who died, not Adam. I wondered about that, because the spoiler I had heard previously indicated it would be Stuart, and I thought the spoiler might have been wrong, although no one seemed to bother to even LOOK for Stuart. I have no idea why he was wearing a SUIT, but he was. The look on "Adam's" face as the camera circled around him WAS very Stuart-like, though. That was a good method to keep us guessing, because if you were surrounded by people trying to shoot you, you might go slack-jawed, too (personally, I'm pretty sure some OTHER part of me would go slack first, but that's just me ), so it could fit either scenario. But then they had his "thoughts" being heard by us, which certainly seemed to indicate it was ADAM. Maybe it was Stuart remembering what Adam had told him and we didn't see it. There's a LOT we don't see these days.

Looks like they are back to showing us previews at the end of the show.

Robin "how will Jesse react to meeting up with Liza?" Coutellier

BC - Mon, 5/18/09

Okay, so Adam DIDN'T have a heart attack or stroke. THAT theory was shot down, so to speak. Jesse radios that he's got the body in the living room and it's shot in the back. Uh, shouldn't he at least check for a PULSE before he refers to it as "the body"?

Why are all the women wearing pointy, very high-heeled shoes to murder someone? Not only are they uncomfortable, but they make a lot of noise. At least they weren't slingbacks that went THWAP, THWAP, THWAP with every step. And why was Kendall wearing pointy heels to sit a vigil at her baby's hospital crib? You'd think she'd want to at least wear comfortable shoes for THAT.

Jesse sure is quick on the draw! He starts shooting AS he warns someone on the terrace not to move. Great cop my ASS! Then he points the gun toward the ceiling (so as not to hurt anyone accidentally). Turns out that the man on the terrace is Tad whom Jesse, with THREE shots, managed to shoot in the head. OOPSIE!

Did Jesse even BOTHER to send someone upstairs to protect the children? You know, the ones that are in the range of fire since he's now pointing the gun at the ceiling? Apparently NOT because they children are alone up there. Ryan came and dragged Kendall away. Does he even KNOW that Emma is still there? Did he set her down in the hallway and then completely forget her very EXISTENCE?

A cop tries ineffectively to keep Krystal and Opal from running out to see who else got shot. Why didn't he just shoot THEM, too? THAT would have stopped them, although saline from Krystal's implants might have made somewhat of an exploding mess. There'd probably be saline goo dripping off the ceiling.

JAR is told by Scott that Adam is dead. After a few moments of letting it sink in, JAR remembers Junior Junior and races upstairs shouting his name. Well it's about F**KING TIME someone remembered the children! Meanwhile, Aidan has made his way upstairs, not to take care of the kids, but to grill Junior Junior on Emma's whereabouts so that he can find Annie.

Colby rushes into the nursery and blurts out to JAR that she can't find Emma anywhere. Even with all that shooting going on and sirens wailing, etc., Colby was completely oblivious to it. Maybe SHE shot Adam. Then JAR tells her that someone put a bullet into their father. Slightly concerned, she asks if Adam is okay, as if he had just twisted his ankle or something. I'm not sure she understands the concept of *PUT - A - BULLET - INTO - OUR - FATHER*. DAMN she's dense!

David has obviously been having an affair with The Bride Of Chucky. So much for his professed GREAT LOVE for Krystal. Not that he loves Gayle, either. Like Krystal, she's TOTALLY besotted with him and can't seem to comprehend how BLATANTLY he is manipulating her.

Ryan tells Kendall that he hasn't been able to get hold of Colby to find out how Emma's doing. He says it very calmly like it's no big deal, as if Colby took her out for a walk in the moonlight and they just aren't back yet. Never mind that a) he has credible evidence that Annie is back, b) Annie used to LIVE at the Chandler estate and knows her way around, including the tunnels, c) he KNOWS Adam was just SHOT and is probably dead. Does he even CARE that his own little daughter could wander downstairs and FIND the dead, bloody body? Apparently not. He also knows the electricity is off, so the children might wander around calling for help because they're scared. And what about Colby when she finds out that her father has been shot? Does Ryan think Colby will be just fine and it won't affect the kids in the slightest that the person taking care of them is suddenly wailing because her father was just murdered right underneath her feet? Not that Colby IS freaking out. Yet. This Colby isn't very good at freaking out. She's also not very good at NOT freaking out, but I digress.

Jesse wants to know what Tad was doing with a gun. That's a valid question, but they sure are jumping to a lot of conclusions, one after the other after the other. Every time they find a new clue they think the NEXT person probably did it and they're willing to shoot to kill based on each new assumption.

At PVH Ryan inadvertently hears from a blabbermouth cop that a child is missing from the Chandler estate and that it's a little girl, taken by her own mother. Did you buy a f**king clue NOW, Moron?

Okay, rule #1 (or at least among the top 3), NEVER put murder suspects TOGETHER, and especially ALONE together when investigating a murder. N-E-V-E-R. All kinds of story-planning and/or "influencing" can go on in the process, not to mention cross-contamination. They HAVE to be separated. For that matter, why did they let Opal go to the hospital? Yes, the Keystone Kops just shot her son in the head, so they kind of owe her one, but JAR's father was shot in the back and DIED, so why does JAR have to stay there when Opal gets to go? She and Krystal were both standing over the body, albeit after the fact. Krystal has to stay and she and Opal were found together.

Natalia walks into the room where all the suspects are. Are CADETS allowed at murder scenes? The crowd of suspects/witnesses are, as I so astutely warned against, hashing everything out with each other, pointing fingers and trying to figure how what happened. Natalia's carrying Junior Junior. At least SOMEONE is with him, because Colby sure as Hell wasn't.

At PVH David tells Jake he'll provide assistance, if necessary, to the neurologist who will be performing brain surgery on Tad and Jake is to stay the hell away. Jake begs to differ, but David overrides him. WTF? Tad's MORTAL ENEMY is going to muck around in his BRAIN? I don't THINK so! Doesn't Tad have someone listed as next-of-kin (like his father, Opal or Jake) who can refuse to let David anywhere near him in the operating room? Let's hope it isn't Krystal, because she always sides with David. The CAT scans show that the bullet is lodged in Tad's frontal lobe. The doctor warns Jake that Tad might be a very different man if he survives.

According to a Wikipedia entry, damage to the frontal lobes can lead to a variety of results:

• Mental flexibility and spontaneity are impaired, but IQ is not reduced. So he'll be smart enough to realize that he's not being spontaneous or flexible.
  

• Talking may increase or decrease dramatically. He's not often quiet -- this could go either way.
  

• Perceptions regarding risk taking and rule abiding are impaired. IOW, nothing will change.
  

• Socialization can diminish or increase. He's always been pretty sociable. He'll either turn BACK into a party animal or hole up in the basement and watch the Reality Channel day and night.
  

• Orbital frontal lobe damage can result in peculiar sexual habits. Oh dear (or maybe I should say "Oh DEER!"
  

• Dorsolateral frontal lobe damage reduces sexual interest. Whew! For a while there I was worried about the deer. And the goats. And the garden gnomes. And the Travelocity Gnome.
  

• Creativity is diminished as well as problem solving skills. So much for being a private dick. Of course, with that risk-taking problem, he COULD turn into a PUBLIC dick of a whole 'nother variety.
  

• Distraction occurs more frequently. Hilarity ensues as he stops what he's saying and doing, mesmerized by a fly. That might work out well for the goat, though.
  

• Loss of smell and/or taste. Hence the whole goat thing.
  

Wait a second -- those WERE Erica's legs at the crime scene? Or is that a red herring? If Erica goes to trial for killing Adam (and she's as good a guess as any), will she use a menopausal defense?

Erica asks Kendall where she was and Kendall gives a flimsy excuse about going up to the roof. Erica, herself, gives a flimsy excuse about taking a bath with her phone turned off. BZZZZZZT! Why would she turn her phone off if she KNEW her baby grandson was at death's door? TOTAL lie! For that matter, why wasn't SHE at the hospital WITH Kendall in her time of need?

Robin "stay tuned for answers to these questions and more ... As The Stomach Turns" Coutellier