BC - Fri, 7/15/11

Whoa, did you get a look at those shiny high heels Maya wears to clean the house? Shades of June Cleaver!

Wow, little Lucy stopped crying quite abruptly from the time Jesse went to the door and the time he opened it. I know it's very hard for actors to work with unpredictable babies, but it was still kind of funny how quickly it happened :-)

While I don't buy JAR being broken-hearted and driven to drink by losing eBabe, I suppose I DO buy him being at least driven to drink by losing her to a WOMAN. As he said, he didn't see THAT coming!

Is it just me or has this been a REALLY long day in Pine Valley? It started when Kathy woke up Tad and eBabe woke up JAR. Amanda, dressed for clubbing and freshly coiffed, went to Fusion to drink (apparently the bar is wide open for the breakfast crowd), had a heart-to-heart with Opal, then went to the park. Jake found her at the park and she told him she had an STD and, BTW, she contracted it only 3 weeks ago. He forgave her and she ran off again, this time to have a drink at the bar at Krystal's where she runs into JAR and tells him that she told Jake about the sex and the STD. It's still bright and sunny outside.

Jake and Tad had a heart-to-heart about Amanda cheating on him, then Jake went home to tell Amanda he still wants to make their marriage work. In the meantime, Kendall and Griff have a date for dinner(?), even though it's bright and sunny out. Griff bails on her when she pries. They meet later in the park and then at her house, I think, or maybe the hospital, and they go to the park again. It's still bright and sunny outside.

After needling (so to speak) several people at work, David twirls his invisible mustache and goes to his hotel room to get ready for an important meeting with hospital board members, but Jane shows up at his door, with her eyes practically rolling up into the back of her head due to her NON-Libidozone-inspired uncontrollable lust for him. After trying to get rid of her, David relents and gives her a right good shagging. Ryan and Greenlee, in the meantime, compare notes and information about Project Orpheus and wonder about Erica's involvement with David. Greenlee goes to the Yacht Club and pulls the fire alarm so that David and "Erica" will run out of the room in a state of not quite dressed. It's still bright and sunny outside.

EBabe gets mad at JAR for not really thinking of all those great special things to do for her and give to her because it was really all Bianca's ideas. Scott comforts her. JAR fusses and fumes about Scott taking eBabe away from him.  He almost drinks some scotch, but AJ inspires him with his adorableness, so JAR pours the scotch into  a poor, innocent plant next to the front door (no one will ever notice that the front door area REEKS of alcohol). It's still bright and sunny outside.

JAR goes to the hospital to possibly go to an AA meeting. While there, he and Tad have a heart-to-heart, then JAR takes off, presumably to a meeting. EBabe meets Bianca either on the Chandler grounds or the park (it's unlcear) and tells her that she loves her, too; she kisses Bianca. Bianca says it won't work because eBabe is straight, not gay. It's still bright and sunny outside.

Heartbroken at Bianca's rejection, eBabe goes back to the mansion, gets consoled by Scott some more (who has figured out that Bianca told eBabe that she had a thing for her), and then tells JAR (who has returned home after speaking with Amanda at Krystal's) that she's in love with Bianca, who walks in on them, despite knowing darned well that they were going to have a very private conversation (so much for being a saint). It's still bright and sunny outside.

In the meantime, Opal has a heart-to-heart with Jack, feeding him all sorts of goodies from the over-laden coffee table in the Martin living room (because the builders forgot to make a kitchen or dining room when they built the house), Kendall calls "Erica" over to her house for an emergency having to do with the Miranda Center, and when Jane shows up, it turns out to be an intervention. David and Angie meet and agree that his treatment is working. It's still bright and sunny outside.

JAR pours himself yet another glass of scotch (he has an endless supply of scotch bottles at the house). This time he actually drinks it. The plant outside the front door is quite relieved, since it's still dizzy and slightly pukey from the first bottle he opened. Tad comes over and they have yet another heart-to-heart. Maya helps hide the scotch at JAR's behest, and then her abusive boyfriend comes in (he's working on rebuilding the gatehouse with Scott) and menaces her. JAR drinks some more and has a meltdown in front of Tad, telling him that his wife is a lesbian (no she's not). It's still bright and sunny outside.

Maya abandons her post, goes to the hospital, and tells Frankie she's ready for that babysitting job NOW. She goes over to the Hubbard's place where Jesse is having trouble coping with the fussy baby since the previous babysitter had abruptly quit. Jesse had previously had a heart-to-heart with Brot over Lucy's humble beginnings and how she ended up being his daughter. Angie and Frankie show up and Lucy settles right down in Maya's arms ('cause Maya is actually her birth mother, of course, unbeknownst to any of them). It's still bright and sunny outside.

Jane is dismissive of everyone at the intervention. Then David shows up and she tells them all that she loves him and they've been having sex. Jack, Opal and Greenlee storm out. Kendall and Bianca are hurt and horrified. Then David asks "Erica" to marry him. Jane has changed her clothes, but I don't think anyone else has. I'm pretty sure it's still bright and sunny outside.

Meanwhile, the real Erica is pouring her heart out in self-reflection, telling Ben about being raped at 14 and giving birth to Kendall. She remembers how badly she treated Mona and deeply regrets it, realizing how much her mother truly loved her and only wanted what was best for her (as opposed to THE BEST). She realizes that the revolving door of men in her life was really about her quest to find a kind and protective father figure, not one who allows her to be raped by a child-molester. And then things started bumping against the walls outside of Erica's dungeon and Ben went to investigate, all the while assuring her that it was nothing.  Presumably it's still bright and sunny outside.

Robin "and the day's not over yet" Coutellier