BC - Tue, 8/18/09

OT/TAN: I'm only just now watching Tuesday's show. Moving is exhausting and time-consuming! The big move happens on 8/29, so things should settle down after that. I'll even have access to SoapNet!

Okay, I have to say it -- that hairstyle is MUCH too young-looking for Angie. It's hard to take her seriously when she looks like that. She looks like she's on her way to the airport to welcome the Beatles to the States.

So Randi took the baby. That's such a trite storyline. Woman loses baby, woman steals baby. At least she doesn't seem to be so deluded that she thinks the baby is hers, although she does seem to think that finders-keepers applies. The poor baby must be stinky, diaper-rash-plagued and starving by NOW.

It's the second half of August -- why is there a fire in the Slater fireplace? And why are there lit candles all over the place? It's not even nighttime. The romance of fire kind of loses its sizzle in the daytime, especially in the dog days of summer. The romance will fizzle out even quicker if Spike wakes up and wanders into the living room to take a closer look at the pretty flaming candles.

Uh, don't vaccinations have to be done at least 48 hours before any exposure to a virus? Erica won't have any time to build up immunity if she's leaving for Africa in a few hours.

Natalia's reaction to finding out that Randi "found" the baby is pretty underwhelming. She's acting like Randi found a pair of shoes, was wearing them and Natalia's saying: "Girl, you canNOT wear THOSE shoes with THOSE pants." Except she says it with less concern than she would if there really WERE clashing shoes involved.

Whoever filmed and/or edited the NYC scenes should be FIRED. They couldn't keep anything in focus for more than a half a second and everything was sped up and wildly swinging from one shot to the next. Yeah, I know it's supposed to be artsy and light-hearted, but it's making me dizzy. And they keep shifting from day to night to day and back to night again. A good ending to the scene would have been for the guy pedaling the cart that was hauling them around to have let loose a REALLY loud and pungent fart. Honestly, those shots were worthy of an Ed Wood movie.

If Randi believes that she lost her baby because she did bad things in the past, what does she think will happen to THIS baby now that she's picked it up?

Oh great -- here comes another romance novel from Kendall.

My sister, Sharlene, said:
"OMG ... Ryan just kissed Erica ... that would be like me making out with my son-in-law ... EEWWWWWW!!! Aside from the yuck factor, Ryan and Erica scenes around New York doing fun stuff is a bit sad, considering they are moving the show to California. Once again I have to say that Kendall is too dumb to live ... Damn, she's such an impulsive IDIOT!!!!! Time for another coma ... PLEASE!" I agree with my sister on all counts!

Erica said she's wondering if she'll be different somehow when she gets back. Was that supposed to be a veiled allusion to the big move to California? Is Susan Lucci staying in NY? Will Erica be different when she returns from Africa because someone ELSE will be playing Erica?

Here's a possible scenario. Perhaps what will happen is that she'll be riding an elephant for a publicity shot, but the elephant goes rogue and thunders off before anyone can stop it, with Erica clinging to whatever one clings while on top of a rogue African elephant. Months later she will finally be rescued from a group of chimpanzees that allowed her to stay amongst them for the duration. The female champanzees will be wearing grass skirts and halter-tops made from vines and leaves. They'll have blossoms in their head hair and will have learned to eat with their pinkies stuck up in the air. A few of them will have learned to make stiletto heels with twigs, leaves and vines and can be seen gamely trying to figure out how to walk on them using their feet AND hands. When the males come sniffing around, the females all start to act coy and begin doing simian simper-dips. The males just roll around in the dirt, bonk themselves on the head, leer at the females and yank them around, and puff out their chests, pounding on them and each other, which is kind of what the males in PV do on a daily basis, anyway.

Erica, in the meantime, will have learned to climb trees without breaking her nails and become an excellent groomer. She never WAS one to eat much, so she willingly gave away the nits, fleas, lice and assorted vermin that she finds in their fur, which was an excellent way to form bonds of friendship and curry (so to speak) favor with desired allies -- this also helped to keep her from being beaten to a bloody pulp. She was already well-versed in the art of throwing hissy fits and flinging things around when she was mad. Her close association with Ryan and his chimpanzee mannerisms had laid the groundwork for her to look speculatively at the alpha male of the troupe. In the meantime, she tried to sabotage the alpha female in whatever ways she could, mostly by trying to get the other females to turn against the alpha female by telling lies about her as she groomed the others and gave them little tiny braids. Getting rid of bodily wastes was not an issue for Erica, and it never was -- in all her life she's only used bathrooms for taking baths, catfights and getting stabbed, after all. Oh, she still had catfights and got stabbed, but bathing didn't happen as often. She will also be sporting some bitemarks, a torn ear and some bald patches, which would lead the way for plastic surgery so that when they put another actress in the role, we'll be EXPECTING her to look different. Dr. Fashionella, alas, is not available to restore her face to exactly the way it was before her sojourn with the chimps, having met a similar fate in the rain forests of Brazil.

I'd say Erica would just be dragged off by lions, but lions like a little MEAT on bones, and I'm pretty sure lions would HATE eating silicone even if they DID bother with her as a snack. I can just hear them now: "PTUI! Ugh! I KNEW I shouldn't have tried this appetizer! I can't BELIEVE the things they put into the food supply these days! I'm telling you, Ralph, do NOT eat that part! Convenience foods can taste so plastic-y sometimes!"

Robin "channeling Gary Larson" Coutellier