BLAST FROM THE PAST - BC - Tue, 8/29/00

[NOTE: here's a little background information since this is from 2000. 

• Adrian is Adrian Sword (played by Matthew St. Patrick, who later played Keith on Six Feet Under). Adrian was the love child of Opal and a black minister (or something like that); as an adult he was a multi-talented secret agent. MSP was quite yummy-looking, but his acting was very stilted; he did a much better job on SFU.

• At the time, Finola Hughes was very pregnant in real life. 

• Tina was a so-so character who was involved with Adrian.

• Dixie worked for David at the hospital as his assistant.

• Jake was in one of his run-away-from-home-and-into-danger phases and had a planeload of orphans to be evacuated. I think he was in wartorn Chechnya.]

Whoa, NICE special effects (NOT)!  Ryan and Adrian are in a plane that is jolting right and left and they aren't even moving with it.  That's because the CAMERA is what's jerking right and left.  That cameraperson should cut back on the cappucinos.  Adrian hands Ryan a gun and asks if he knows how to use one of them.  Ryan shoves in a clip and says he'll figure it out.  Do I even have to SAY how ludicrous this situation is? 

Considering that they are trying to make such a dramatic impact of Alex first seeing Dimitri at the Hunting Lodge, you would think they would have found a slightly different angle from which to shoot her.  Instead, the camera is to her right and slightly back, CLEARLY showing he belly preceding the rest of her by about 10".  The lampshade was supposed to disguise it, but the camera didn't move back NEARLY far enough, so the lampshade merely illuminates it and calls attention to it. A HUGE blunder that should have been either cut or reshot, IMNSHO.  The rest of their scenes together were fabulous, though, and the scene on the couch was very well-shot. 

I want to know where Greenlee buys that tear-proof makeup!  Wait a minute -- it's probably got so many chemicals in it that she's now sterile, so maybe I'll pass on that.

Before jettisoning all that extra cargo in the cabin, you'd think Ryan and Adrian would have at least LOOKED in them to see what they were getting rid of!  Was I the only one who thought the first crate they sent out the door had Gillian in it (ok, we KNEW she wasn't actually IN it at that point)?  Ah, well, there was that brief little thrill, wasn't there?  While the whole thing was highly unbelievable, Ryan not getting sucked out the door when he tried to pull Gillian's crate and she jumped out was downright laughable.  Not quite as laughable as the coloring-book clouds visible outside the door and window (despite occasional puffs of dry ice vapors), but pretty funny anyway :-)

Tina should really avoid that pigtail look. It's for little girls or teenyboppers. 

Considering the plane is at about 10,000 feet, the door is open, they are in a mostly steel cabin, and Gillian is wearing a sheer blouse, you'd think her nipples would be harder than they would be if, say, she were sitting in a Waco, TX, Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise that didn't even have an overhead fan, much less an air conditioner. 

David grabs Dixie and kisses her -- HARD.  Afterward, she stares at him as he tells her he HAD to do that just to shut her up.  Uh huh.  She continues to stare at him in silent horror and disbelief.  He begs her to say something.  While Dixie didn't say anything, *I* said "LAWSUIT".  Something tells me the I-had-to-do-it-to-shut-her-up wouldn't fly in court.  What am I SAYING?  It would absolutely hold up in a PV court!

When Greenlee was smashing things with the axe, did anyone else think the printer/fax looked more like a plastic vaporizer? 

If the plane barely has enough fuel to get them where they are going, never mind turning back to PV, how did Adrian and Ryan plan on RETURNING with Jake and a bunch of orphans in tow? 

LOD:
Ryan to Gillian re sharing a bedroll to keep warm:  "How about you riding shotgun?"  Gillian:  "I'm not touching a gun unless I have to!"  BWAHAHAHAAA!

Dixie, fresh from the kiss from David, runs into SOS and kisses Tad like she wants to do him right there, standing up at the bar.  She tells him she's missed him SOOO MUCH!  Tad:  "Is that Zepherin Chloride and Betadine I smell?" 

May I say that that is a very unflattering ensemble Dixie has on?  She makes almost anything look good, but that outfit is tight in all the wrong places, making her look frumpy. 

Nice to see someone (Leo) actually playing darts at the loft.  Now if only Scott would walk in.  I thought Leo would point out that Scott lived there too, but then realized that Leo has no reason to take Scott's feelings into consideration. 

Unless this was a daydream sequence (entirely possible [keeping in mind that I haven't seen Wed's show yet] given that sudden jump from standing to them lying on the couch), Alex has now had sex (presumably) within a very short period of time with 2 brothers.  You KNOW what soap opera law has to say about THIS situation.   Sigh -- ANOTHER whose-baby-is-it storyline?  At least she's dressed for the part nowadays.

Robin "Gillian:  Coffee, Tea or ME?" Coutellier

Blast From The Past - Detailed Friday Update, 11/03/00, Part 3 of 3

THE WAVE SET

Hayley and Mateo rush onto the set as Hayley anxiously asks if there is any sign of Arlene. Mateo tells her to relax and forget about Arlene, but Hayley is a nervous wreck. She says Arlene is going to keep coming back until Hayley forgives or pretends to forgive her. They are going live in 60 seconds. Hayley rushes onto stage for last minute powder puffs and Mateo leaves for the photo shoot at SOS. Still nervous, Hayley still manages to jump into her on-screen persona and chats about how fast the year has gone, blah, blah, blah. Arlene drunkenly stumbles in off to the side. Hayley talks about fashion and white leather as Arlene drinks from a flask like a person stumbling in from the desert. Arlene proudly watches her daughter and quietly talks toward her: "There she is -- my Hayley. She's got everything she wants. She's rich, famous. A man who loves her. All your dreams came true, didn't they, Sweetie? And now ... it's Mama's turn!" She steps toward the stage.

Hayley natters away about a web poll, saying the watchers think that Thanksgiving is the number 1 family holiday. Arlene jumps on to the stage and breaks with in: "And what better way than to celebrate with your own famliy? HI! I'm Hayley's mom! I'm today's surprise guest star -- Surprise!!" Hayley IS surprised: "Well, HI, Mom!" She guides Arlene to a seat on stage and says she gets to help her welcome a famed chef (Marcel) from a Pine Valley restaurant who is there to teach them how to make cornbread stuffing [what does cornbread stuffing have to do with fashion?]. Arlene won't be silenced, of course, and she pops up saying who gives a damn about Chef Marcel? She starts to talk about previous Thanksgivings when her husband, Harry Vaughan, used to stuff himself and sit in front of the tube-- The stage crew frantically look through their notes, seeing nothing about Arlene in them. Arlene is loudly talking about Harry undoing his pants and watching football games while Hayley gamely tries to pretend Arlene is not there. Arlene and Hayley loudly talk over each other. Hayley keeps going on about the chef, who has apparently switched jobs in the space of 5 seconds, because she now says he works at Maxim's in Paris. Arlene doesn't want them to cut to a commercial or Chef Marcel. She desperately starts talking about how sorry she is for Hayley's rotten childhood and how she made it all better by marrying Adam, didn't she? Half the children in America want Mom and Dad under the same roof, etc. And she made that dream come true, didn't she? DIDN'T SHE?

While the crew continues to stand there looking perplexed and unsure, Mateo wanders back in, sees what's happening and rushes on-stage to hustle Arlene off-stage. Hayley is near the breaking point as she repeats her welcome to Chef Marcel while Mateo strongarms Arlene to a curtained-off area that has a lot of food, coffee, etc. She fights him and starts to rush back to the stage when Mateo swings her around and dumps a pitcher of ice-water over her head. She shrieks.

Arlene is pissed off and feeling pissed on as she attempts to dry herself with some napkins. Mateo tells her she's lucky that's ALL he did and that she's staying put until the cops come. [I'm still trying to figure out what he thinks they will charge her with. They might find something as far as her interrupting Hayley's show, but what else?] Arlene grins as she thinks she's hit upon a key motivational factor in Mateo's attitude -- she says he hates her because he always has to be in control and he can't control Hayley whenever Arlene is around. Her voice is low and sure of herself as she says: "Well, you know what? She's going to stand by me because she knows -- she knows I love her. Deep down inside, she knows that. But YOU -- you don't KNOW that she'll always love YOU." Mateo: "Please. You think this is some type of competition thing between me and you? You're sick!" Arlene: "Oh, no, Sweetie, there's no competition. A mom's love always wins out in the end. Just watch. Just watch. You go call those cops. You lock me up, you throw away the key. Hayley will stick by me. She always has. No matter how I screw up, no matter how low I sink -- no matter how low I sink, she picks me up, and she puts me to bed like she always has." Mateo asks what, WHAT he could POSSIBLY do to get rid of her -- to make her leave and never come back -- just NAME it! She gives an evil smile, grabs his face and plants a big wet one on him!

He breaks suction and wipes his mouth, telling her she's DISGUSTING! He keeps wiping his mouth with a napkin. She just grins and innocently asks if he didn't like it. Arlene: "Well, you know, Hayley and I are so much alike, I mean, you'd think that if you like the copy you'd LOVE the original." Mateo turns on her and yells that they are NOTHING alike! That's why Arlene is always trying to drag her down -- Hayley has done EVERYTHING with her life and Arlene has done NOTHING! Mateo: "You're the same old loser you've always been! You'll never have what she has!" Arlene gets angry again: "Look, for the record, I am TWICE the woman that Hayley is. And if you're just too much of a wimp to admit it, why don't you ask her last hubby, Alec what's-his-name?" From the doorway, Hayley says: "Ask him what?" [Kelly Ripa's pregnancy has apparently manifested itself by a visit from the breast-fairy, because her breasts are getting bigger by the day.] Arlene looks away with a little self-satisfied, closed-mouth smile.

Arlene tells Hayley that she was just telling Mateo that she and Hayley are so much alike that they even have the same taste [quite literally] in men. Hayley doesn't even care what Arlene is talking about. What she did tonight was UNFORGIVABLE! Arlene is surprised and asks how Hayley could possibly have found out already! Then she realizes that Hayley is not talking about her kissing Mateo and tells him: "Don't worry, Sweetie, she doesn't suspect a thing!" Hayley's voice gets low and gritty as she asks Mateo what Arlene is talking about. Arlene looks like the cat that ate the canary as she urges Mateo to spill. Hayley is now facing him with her back to Arlene. Still tight-lipped, he admits that Arlene kissed him. Arlene brags: "Full on the mouth! I don't know what came over me, Sweetie. I was just -- must have been the stress or something. But I SWEAR to you that it will never happen again, no matter how great the temptation. Right, Mateo?" She grins at the trouble she's causing. Hayley suddenly whirls and wallops Arlene across the face! [THAT was a long time coming!] They glare at each other.

Mateo breaks the tension and takes hold of Hayley's arm, saying it's time to go. They start to stomp off, but Hayley turns and stomps back to Arlene to tell her: "If you EVER touch my husband again, I WILL kill you!"


On the next AMC:

Arlene to Hayley: "You're a pussycat inside. I know that about you. You'd never kill anybody." Adam suddenly appears and says: "What about me, Arlene? You think *I'm* capable of killing you?"

Leo to Bianca: "You're confused, and, you know, this just isn't the way that --" She launches herself into his arms and plants big one on him!

Dixie, standing now and facing David whispers: "That's Tad's car! He's home!" David sulks.

Irreverently submitted,

Robin "Come To Mama" Coutellier