BC - Mon, 12/27/10

Okay, you medical and law enforcement types -- how busy are hospitals and police personnel on Christmas Eve? Do they typically run on skeleton crews?

Kendall describes her dream to Erica and Jack. She talks about how the light she saw outside was so warm and hopeful and how it made her feel good. Well, I guess there goes my brief theory that she was about to be abducted by an alien.

Cara stayed on at PVH past the end of her shift so that the doctors with families could go home. On whose authority did she tell them to leave? She's the NEW doctor. Then her brother talks her into going to the Martin Christmas Eve party after all. If she told the other doctors to go home because she'll stay and cover, and now she's leaving, who's going to be there at the hospital?

There's not a spec of color on the Chandler family Christmas tree. How ... tasteful. I'm sure every 6-yr-old appreciates a dull, but tasteful tree. In fact none of the trees show any hint of participation by a child when it comes to decoration.

I had missed a moment so I backed up my Tivo. Just as it backed up, Annie asked JAR how it went, and JAR said: "Marissa offered me a joint--". I was like, WHAT? I definitely missed SOMETHING. He was, of course, referring to joint CUSTODY.

Annnnndd there's Father Clarence at Kendall's door.

Robin "apparently Angie's going to have to be blind for a while longer unless Father C can pull TWO miracles out of his collar" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 12/23/10

Kendall having mental problems at Christmastime (or any other time of the year, for that matter)? Say it isn't so!

Who will Father Clarence visit this year? We all know that Angie needs to miraculously regain her eyesight, but she also needs to have a late-in-life baby with jeopardy attached or at least some challenges. So will Angie go another year blind and catch Father Clarence during Christmas 2011. Will Kendall get some sort of healing visit from him this time? She seems to be the one who needs a miracle the most.

OMG, I just had an AWFUL thought! Is Kendall going to try to have grief sex with Father Clarence??? You know how she gets. OTOH, maybe he just sent the two new hunks (oops, at first I typed "hungs") her way so that she can have a selection.

I'm glad Madison at least protested that Greenlee COMPLETELY invaded her privacy by looking at her hospital records (after Greenlee had the gall to say "Might as well just be honest with me". Greenlee, of course, just shrugs it off by saying: "What's done is done," and then moving on to her own agenda. Madison should sue Greenlee's rich, self-entitled ass!

Jake says he just talked to the little boy's mom in the waiting area. WTF? I'm used to regulars just dropping their kids off at doctor appointments so that they can further their storylines by running into other people, but this is ridiculous. The mom is just sitting in the waiting room waiting for her child to trot out? Does PVH have a rule that parents are not ALLOWED to be in the exam room with children? If nothing else, the opportunity for the child to be abused in one manner or another is wide open. Parents in Pine Valley get an F.

Angie hired someone she's never met before on the spur of the moment because PVH was DESPERATE for more doctors. Amanda shows up later in Jake's shift and he pulls rank to go off with her, since there's not much going on there, leaving Cara, on her first day, to take up any slack. After all, it's not like there is any increased chance of an influx of people coming into the Emergency Room due to, say, people attending Christmas parties and then driving drunk and causing massive pileups on the icy roads, or perhaps a food court collapsing at the mall because it can't hold the weight of all the onlookers when a flash mob suddenly starts singing Hallelujah.

Robin "I'm just sayin'" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 12/22/10

JAR sent a sexy text message to Annie while they were at BJ's, and she zipped over to their trysting room at the Yacht Club. He followed shortly thereafter. Wouldn't he have had messages and phone calls about the SEC decision that should have gotten his attention? I guess he ignored everything but Annie. Tsk, tsk.

Ryan arranges for a doctor to give Madison a complete and thorough medical exam tomorrow morning (re her shoulder gunshot wound), without even asking Madison. The doctor then informs her of that fact and doesn't even stick around to find out if Madison will be there, let alone if Madison gave Ryan permission to speak for her in a medical capacity or otherwise. No HIPAA violations there, no sir.

Okay, Madison? Sweetie? Let's have a talk. Here's the thing -- the next time Ryan insists on getting all up in your business, and pleads with you to EXPLAIN how you are feeling about him breaking up with you, you need to kick/knee him in the nads, because telling him in no uncertain terms (and "what about stay out of my life" was unclear IS no uncertain terms, as was the earlier part when you told him to stay the f**k out of your life) . Of course, most of Ryan's body is made of titanium, so even that might not have any effect. He's been known to bounce off cliffs, after all. Hmmmm. Well, short of cyanide (which would probably only make him burp and smell like almonds), I guess there really isn't much you CAN do. Just know that we feel your pain and would like to punch him in the face and/or kick/knee him in the nads as much as (and probably more than) YOU do.

Have you ever had a boyfriend/lover dump YOU and then have him keep pestering you to let him know how you feel about it, no matter how many times you tell him to go away and that you are very, very hurt by him? Me neither. Try to be friends, yeah; stick around after you tell him he doesn't have to and, indeed, to stay away? Nope.

You know that door slam was edited in when JAR took Melissa's hand, because neither one of them jumped when it happened. They just turned their heads to look.

Is Spike going to run away to look for Daddy Zach?

Okay, Madison. Sweeeetieeee ... Here's the thing. STOP GOING TO CONFUSION! Hanging out in a place where you will be almost guaranteed to run into Greenlee and/or Ryan on a regular basis is injecting yourself into THEIR lives. What part of "get the f**k out of my life" did YOU not understand? What are you, a masochist?

The Pine Valley Bulletin missed a prime opportunity when they left off "... AGAIN" from their headline of:

WILL ERICA KANE BEGIN THE NEW YEAR IN PRISON?"

Robin "PA has a Three Strikes law; I think Erica may have or is about to exceed her quota of convictions" Coutellier

BC - Mon, 12/20/10

Marissa tells JAR that AJ is going to be very excited about his presents, a fort and a swingset. AJ is 6 years old and the child and grandchild of very rich people -- he doesn't already have a swingset? You'd think he'd have an entire playground on the grounds and dozens of forts. Maybe these are newer ones with superheroes stickers all over them.

If Spike is taking a nap, why is Kendall about to take a hammer/mallet to a table to try to put it together?

How long will it be before Ryan tries to get full custody of Spike because Kendall is sad, doesn't want him to come over unless it's to see Spike, and doesn't want Greenlee to come over to the house? There are a lot of things that are indications that Kendall is a loon, but not wanting Ryan and/or Greenlee in her own house is a 100% SANE line of thought.

OH PUH-LEEZE! David's wallet, complete with credit cards and cash, is located in a bedside drawer in his hospital room, even though he's in a coma and anyone at all can come into the room at any time (if the guard is still there, he's not visible). David's advocates clearly aren't protecting him from cash, credit or identity theft.

What kind of card does David have that starts with "Dr David"? Oh, a hospital security card of some kind. Wouldn't even a hospital card would most likely show him to be "David Hayward, MD", and possibly some other letters?

How many of you guffawed when the nurse mentioned HIPAA laws? HIPAA laws? At Pine Valley Hospital? Stop! Yer killin' me!

Ryan is hurting women left and right, yet he insists on intruding upon their pain and privacy as often as possible. First Kendall, then Madison. Zach just died on or about Thanksgiving. A long time ago I lost someone in early December, and that Christmas was HELL for me! I could hardly stand everyone else celebrating and singing songs like "Tis the season to be jolly". No it wasn't -- Twas the season to mourn, at least for ME. Grief takes time to ease. It's one thing to go over to the Slater house to see Spike, but he a) should call first, and b) should STFU and stop pressuring Kendall to forgive him and Greenlee! She's made it crystal clear that their presence, together or separately, HURTS her. She has her family to help her cope; she doesn't need Ryan or Greenlee forcing themselves on her time and again to demand her love and forgiveness. Then he butts in on Madison while she's having a beverage at ConFusion and tries to talk her out of leaving town. She has ALSO made it crystal clear that his mere presence HURTS her, but there he is, zooming in on her, yet again.

Why IS Madison at ConFusion having a beverage? If she can't stand to work at Fusion because of Greenlee and Ryan, why would she keep coming back to the ConFusion bar downstairs?

Robin "the cost of the drinks alone should be keeping her away" Coutellier

So now Madison is going to "take a trip" someplace far from Pine Valley so she can clear her head. If she can barely make ends meet WITH a job, how is she going to pay for a trip? She probably secretly means she's going to leave town to get off of Ryan and Greenlee's radar, but it's still pretty stupid.

Speaking of Madison, brooklynbird commented on my blog saying that she thinks Madison (portrayed by Stephanie Gatschet is the spitting image of Ginger Rogers. What do YOU think?


Robin "she should have danced all night" Coutellier

BC - Wed-Thu, 12/15-16/10

Why did Tad walk out of the living room and leave Annie there (after telling her she wasn't invited and to use the front door next time)? He knows she's capable of just about anything. She could be planting a bomb for all he knows. Some detective.

Further proof that security at Ryan's penthouse is ludicrous: Greenlee walks over and turns the THUMB lock on the door handle. That's it. There's no deadbolt. Then Ryan asks Greenlee what she did that for. Apparently he never locks his doors if he's at home. Given how many people have burst in on him, that's not a surprise, of course. Even so, it just boggles my mind that anyone, let alone someone RICH doesn't lock their front door.

Well, those of you who know me know that MY answer to whether or not Griffin's cologne was too strong was YES! ANY cologne is too strong as far as I'm concerned, and the same goes for perfume. My favorite response to someone asking the question "I got on enough cologne?" on the Sopranos was (said by Christopher): "You smell like Paco Raban crawled up your ass and died."

If Madison is keeping the pregnancy to herself for now, why is she bringing the "What To Expect When You're Expecting" book to the Fusion bar? Dumb question, 100% plot point, I'm sure, but I had to say it. That's like Kendall with her pregnancy test that she took out of her purse every few minutes to stare at or Robert Gardner (the guy who kept trying to kill Jesse) and his gun that he took out to caress every few minutes.

How do Krystal's patrons keep their food down with Greenlee and Ryan cooing at each other and kissing? I know *I* threw up a little.

If Madison can barely afford her apt, why did she quit her job?

Kudos to those of you who guessed that Griffin is Cara's brother, not her former lover.

Robin "not that the two are mutually exclusive" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 12/14/10

I'm glad they explained why Tad's hand was bandaged, because I was wracking my brain trying to remember who he must have just punched, given that David, his customary punching bag, is in a coma. He apparently cut himself in the kitchen. Cara patched it up. Personally, I prefer the episode where Tad's ass got stung several times by bees and he met Nurse Gloria when she had to remove the stingers.

I notice that I was partially wrong about Palmer's portrait. It is not leaning against the frame of another picture. It is, however, leaning against some sort of empty wooden frame/wall decoration. So it STILL doesn't have it's "own" place of honor.

Robin "where are pictures of his beloved dobermans?" Coutellier

BC - Mon, 12/13/10

Greenlee on Kendall's answering machine: "I feel like everything I do is wrong." You are absolutely correct. And?

Am I the only one who dislikes Greenlee's ruffly coat? Maybe they aren't ruffles, but shirring. All I know is that it reminds me of a dress that my friend had when we were in the fifth or sixth grade. It was yellow and had horizontal, tube-like rolls down the front of it. Kids teased her and called it her "toilet paper dress".

Cara really reminds me a little of the 2nd Raquel Dion Santos (Celi Ara) from back in 1999.

Well, that was a kind of breach of ettiquette. The nurse tells Madison that Dr. Kantor, THE OB/GYN, will be with you in a few minutes. Isn't that kind of like announcing that the doctor who will be telling you to slide down to the end of the table just before sticking a lubed speculum up your vagina will be with you in a few minutes? I think a simple "Dr. Kantor will be with you in a few minutes" would have been sufficient. It's a common waiting area, and not like she's in a women's clinic. Of course, considering the massive amount of HIPAA violations the hospital routinely commits, that's pretty small on the scale. It's rude, though.

Greenlee complains to David that she's still getting blamed for all of his bad behavior. Well, yeah, it IS a little fresh in people's minds, you self-centered TWIT.

Robin "a Christmas miracle would be for Ryan and Greenlee to go over a cliff (yet again) and STAY there" Coutellier

BC - Fri, 12/10/10

How did Greenlee fit all those shoes into the lockers at Fusion? Those lockers must be like portals to another dimension like on Doctor Who (so far I've seen the first and second episodes from 1963 -- you'd think that if they were from the 49th century they would have figured out a way to muffle that godawful ear-splitting noise coming from the TARDIS when it gets busy. Even in 1980 we had rugs on the walls in our (impact) printer area at work. A little insulation and padding to absorb vibrations can go a long way).

Greenlee informs Kendall that she's moved in with Ryan and they'd love to have her over. I can just hear little Emma at dinner now. "Hi Kendall! Are you going to sleep in Daddy's bed with him and Greenlee tonight? Greenlee sleeps on the side of the bed near the bathroom, but Madison slept on the other side, and Daddy didn't like that, but he pretended he did. You slept in the middle of the bed, right? You can do that AGAIN! Mommy did that too. She slept on all sides of it. Sometimes she even slept UNDER it. She was kind of all over the place. I think I saw her on the ceiling one time. I think Daddy's bed must be lumpy or something because lots of times he and pretty ladies sleep on the floor in front of the fireplace or out on the balcony. It gets hot in front of the fireplace, though, so they always take their clothes off. Mommy got married lots of times; sometimes she sleeps in JAR's bed and sometimes she sleeps in Daddy Scott's bed or AJ's Grampa's bed. I don't think she can find a bed she likes, because she keeps trying new ones and every time she does she moves around a lot and yells and hollers. She's like Goldilocks. Erica let me use her perfume. Can I use your perfume, too? Hey, wait a minute. Isn't Erica your Mommy? And she's Spike and Ian's Grandma! Is she MY Grandma, too? And she's getting married to Greenlee's Daddy. So maybe she IS my Grandma! That's so funny! Are you going to marry Daddy, too? Don't tell Daddy, but I was watching HBO On-Demand and there was the show called Big Love. I thought it sounded real nice to have big, BIG love, so I watched it, and lots of ladies were married to the daddy at the same time and ..." and so on and so on.

Isn't it time for either Spike or Ian to be kidnapped? The last time that happened Greenlee temporarily took Spike (and promptly drove over a cliff). Yup, they are definitely overdue, although I'm guessing it's more likely that soon AJ will get his turn at bat ... again. Then again, little Trevor hasn't been kidnapped yet (you can't really call what Randi did a kidnapping since she FOUND him abandoned). Jenny hasn't been kidnapped since she was a tiny baby. Gabrielle hasn't been kidnapped at all yet. Yup, the show is definitely overdue for a child/baby kidnapping (the adults get kidnapped on a regular basis, so they don't count). AJ was sort of kidnapped by Asher, but JAR made paid off a judge and made it legal by the time it was found out. Besides, he's been kidnapped lots of times; it's someone else's turn.

Robin "the adult kidnappings aren't even reported to the police more than half the time" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 12/9/10

Does Annie know that Amanda has had sex with JAR?

Okay, they are rewriting show history with more than just hair color and va-va-voom-itude. Jake did not meet Cara as part of his Doctor's Without Borders stint -- he met her prior to that at the hospital and was having sex with her (when she was blond) in a supply closet. He made also it very clear at the time that it was "just sex". He ran away to the DWB and she went, too.

Ah, so Amanda is NOT working at the Miranda Center out of the goodness of her heart -- she wants to cozy up to Dr. Hardbody to find out more about him and Cara. She's not only an idiot, but a hypocritical idiot.

Does Amanda know that Jake's first wife, Gillian, also cheated on him (with Ryan) and ultimately left him for Ryan (she only married Jake to either get back at or because she couldn't have Ryan)? Jake may have some deep-seated issues of trust when it comes to wives.

Jake does a lot of rocking from side to side when he talks. Give him some sunglasses and a little (ok a LOT) more rhythm and he could work his way into Ray Charles territory.

Oh PUH-LEEZE! Natalia is a cop (detective) in Pennsylvania in mid-December. She's supposed to be no-nonsense and gets very agitated if anyone suggests that she's girly in any way. So why is she wearing that ridiculous leather not-quite-half of a jacket? It's little more than a leather halter-top with 3/4 sleeves. That has everything to do with making a fashion statement and nothing whatsoever to do with keeping warm.

Robin "she's probably wearing strappy, flimsy high heels, too" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 12/8/10

Was that bench/settee always there near the Slater front door?

Why would they have a memorial in the Slater living room? It was cozy and all, but now Kendall will have to remember the living room as forever associated with the memorial service. Not that it will stop her from having sex on the couch with someone else, but still.

How long are they going to leave Palmer's portrait sitting on the mantelpiece leaning up against another framed something-or-other. Give him his own place on the wall FGS!

The character of Ian is three years old now. Why is he being portrayed by a toddler sucking on a pacifier? He should be running around asking his mommy "Why?" about everything in his line of sight, building rickety furniture towers to get to things like cookies on top of the fridge, singing songs at the top of his lungs, fighting with his big brother, writing on the walls, etc. He's certainly old enough to be asking detailed questions about things. We need to introduce another syndrome to the list of common PV ailments: Soap Opera Rapid DE-Aging Syndrome, aka SORDS.

Another reason for me to hate Ryan and Greenlee: I can't understand them half the time when they speak. First, I have to say that I have some speakers near my chair (separate from the TV speakers) that are not working optimally, so they do tend to distort/muffle some things slightly. But I don't usually have that much trouble with other characters on the show, mostly just Ryan and Greenlee. They sound like the grown-ups in a Charlie Brown special. Ryan because, let's face, he talks funny (and not in a ha-ha way), whether he's speaking in a whisper-shout or his usual voice. Greenlee -- I don't know what the problem is -- not projecting, perhaps? A consistently dull and lifeless delivery? Whatever it is I can barely understand ANYTHING she says anymore without reading the closed-captioning. When Ryan and Greenlee have a scene together, I have to stop whatever else I might be doing just to read what they are saying. That does nothing to endear these two carnage-inducing characters to me.

Kendall: "Goodbye, Zach. Always only you."

Robin "except when it's someone else -- let the grief sex BEGIN!" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 12/7/10

Um, how many times is Kendall going to try to kill people that she thinks killed or almost killed her loved ones? Geez, that's her go-to solution for EVERYTHING.

Uh, Cara was a BLOND, with the pale complexion that usually goes along with that. This Cara most definitely does not look like the original. I don't even remember what the original looked like, other than that she WAS very blond. And dull. She was so dull that she's not even listed in the credits, although I'm pretty sure she was on the show right before Jake left.

So Madison is pregnant. Yay.

Robin "yet another child for Ryan to neglect" Coutellier

BC - Fri, 12/3/10

I notice they've stopped using the park for every other scene. Apparently they've finally had to concede that it's December and it gets COLD and/or overcast, even in California.

Does Erica have a special bank account just for criminal defense funds? My Mom always has a Christmas Club account every year and she has another one she uses just to put money aside for a chiropractor. I'm thinking Erica has a Get-Out/Keep-Out-Of-Prison account, perhaps at her local Wells Fargo. Oh what am I saying? It would be at the Pine Valley National Bank, of course.

Asher tells Bianca that her computer has frozen because her memory is overloaded. She apparently downloaded several hundred pictures. He says he told her to put them on an external hard drive. Uh, unless she has several hundred pictures OPENED at the same time, having several hundred photos residing on her hard drive isn't going to slow the computer down (let alone FREEZE it). If all of them are in the same folder, it might slow it down slightly to list them all.

Ah, I see they finally got a guard outside of David's room. He might have been there all along, but he sure as hell wasn't keeping anyone out.

Robin "he probably has a 'kick me' sign on his back & wonders why people keep putting their feet in his ass" Coutellier

BC - Thu, 12/2/10

Annie comments (upon seeing the headline about Erica shooting David), that Erica always makes it interesting. This from the homicidal maniac.

Zach just died and Kendall wants to up and leave the boys so she can go to the beach where it happened. What a FINE mother she is! She wants Greenlee to go with her to show her where everything went down (so to speak). If I were Greenlee, I'd wear a life vest a parachute for the entire flight.

David yanks the tube out of his mouth (within a fantasy). What was that tube FOR? It didn't go down his throat into his stomach or lungs. It didn't do ANYTHING. If they wanted to give him extra oxygen, there would have been a canula going into his nose. Maybe it was just to suck spit out of his mouth, although we should have heard the suction if that was the case, like when you are at the dentist.

Robin "Not that I WANT to hear David's spit along its travels" Coutellier

BC - Wed, 12/1/10

Bianca tells Kendall that Spike and Miranda are at school. WTF? It's the day after Thanksgiving -- why would they be at school? Their school has a play ON Thanksgiving and they don't get Friday off, either. Man, what a sucky school!

Why is David breathing so hard and fast while in a coma? Does he have a fever?

Caleb starts off his speech in the courtroom by saying Erica is NOT a runner and has never run from anyone or anything in her LIFE! BZZZZZZT!!! She's run on several occasions. For instance, before Bianca was born, Erica was on the run (for the murder of Lars Bogard, I think) for several months before she was caught and thrown in prison with Kathy Bates. She ran away with Bianca when Bianca was a baby and renamed her to Betsy. She wore jeans. She started Enchantment as a pseudo-Avon company, marketing it as good makeup for people who couldn't afford the expensive stuff (she was hiding out from Travis at the time). She tried to break Jeremy out of prison and take off with him in a helicopter. And who can forget her sojourn as Desiree of the Desert? And those are just SOME of the well-known instances that come to mind. She is a recovering drug addict with the means to flee whenever and wherever she wants. That doesn't necessarily mean she shouldn't get bail, but please spare us the blarney about her not being a runner.

David is in critical condition. He's in a coma. Everyone in town hates his guts. He's also a prisoner. Yet there is no guard to keep him in or anyone else out of his room.

Robin "people will soon be lined up, snaking out of his room, like the line of people waiting to beat up the hysterical woman in Airplane!" Coutellier

BC - Tue, 11/30/10

Tidbit: The penthouse is located at 450 Old Cedar Lane in Pine Valley. That's a quaint name for a place that's located in a busy downtown area.

Why didn't Jesse already know that David had escaped by the time David was shot?

Well, I guess now we know where the stray bullet went. Isn't this the second time Madison has been shot, or am I confusing her with so many others on the show who have been shot?

Robin "PV, a town of bullet-ridden, yet scarless people (except Dixie, who's dead, but not from a bullet wound)" Coutellier

BC - Mon, 11/29/10

Liza is the DA. Why does SHE have to work on papers to transfer David to lockup? Isn't that the PVPD's job? At first I thought she might still be his attorney, which makes me want to vomit, but then Jack managed to get in to see David by pretending to be his lawyer mere moments after Liza walked out of the room, with the same guard standing right there. Then again, members of the PVPD aren't known for their massive brainpower or quick-wittedness.

When the Thanksgiving play started, all I could think of was Wednesday Addams in the Addams Family Values movie where she played a Native American princess who then proceeded to mastermind a massacre of the pilgrims as payback for what was done to the Native Americans.

I can't believe Tad just said to Krystal: "All right, now you make sure you get Jenny and our little SQUAW back to the restaurant" I can't believe they put that in the script! That's like using the N-word! There's some controversy about the origins of the word or it's actual meaning, but it's widely considered to be a derogatory and racist slur nowadays.

Jack tells Greenlee and Ryan that David is on a bus on his way to prison now. For WHAT? They just glossed right over that part! No trial, no nothing -- just off you go. I was wondering why they were making a big deal about him being transferred to "lockup" and how lockup might be different than being in a cell downstairs.

And there's David, lurking outside the penthouse. He must have escaped. Gee, what a surprise.

Did it ever occur to Tad to simply ask to BUY a turkey from the Yacht Club or have THEM prepare a meal for them? Are we supposed to root for him and Jake STEALING one from them?

Okay, I have to admit that I did NOT expect to see Erica holding the gun that shot David. Notice I didn't say she SHOT him, but she is holding the gun (I'm guessing that Kendall or someone else shot him; if it was Kendall, she doesn't remember it). I DID expect something bad to happen to David, but not quite so soon. As I said, he's now known to me as "Twice Cooked Pork".

Robin "I was kind of hoping the stray bullet would shoot the glass out of Tad's hand" Coutellier